Yes come one come all to the big rummage sale! .
I will soon be forced to move out of the dilapidated duplex in a white trash metropolis and upon assessing the task of packing up all my worldly possessions I have come to the cunclusion…that I don’t need all this crap…uhm…I mean …perhaps I shouldn’t be hoarding such treasures. You 99%’s have made me realize that I am harming my fellow man by keeping all these goods to myself instead of allowing others, who are less fortunate than me, to own and use them…for a nominal fee.
Now, anything really good or LIGHT, I will be keeping for myself, but the REST will be up for grabs this saturday!
What, you may ask, kind of treasures have I been keeping, for reasons that now elude me, all these years?
I’m glad you asked! Just take a look at the wondrous crap…uhm…I mean goods you could have for your own!
Right here we have a 3 1/2 foot wood axe! what do you need that for? I have a better question…what did I think I needed it for?! Not many trees in my way these days, but perhaps you have some trees moving into your neighborhood that look like trouble makers…you know the kind…it’s politically incorrect to say more.
while your at it, might as well pic up that smoke machine too! It works, you can fill your yard with scary smoke!…OR FOG!…and…uhm…SMOKE! This is good not only for Halloween but if you are staging some sort of hoax that involves looking like something is on fire or something has been blown up. get it before some Palestinians do!
Speaking of Halloween and the middle east here is a jew costume! Most people think you look like a bug of some king…what are you gonna to? not everyone is a icciologist.
After you get run out of town for mocking Jews AND Palestinians you can put all your gear in this little number!
Vintage , in great shape but since I have not gone camping in about 7 years…my lose is your gain!
speaking of things I don’t do much, how about a very very nice vintage golf bag?!
“you golf?!” Yes I do! But I only have three clubs and so this bag is sort of overkill. But it is bad ass!
speaking of bad ass…
This is a vintage, Tiger painting that NOT ONLY lights up…but also makes jungle noises! (even has volume control) I works great yet, isn’t as heavy as it looks, and perfect for the next time you are going to have friends over to snort cocaine after a night of disco-ing with your high heal shoes with goldfish in the heels!
Speaking of fish!
no friends I have not flushed my angel fish, even though they deserve it. See once people find out you are willing to take their old crap…they give you their old crap. Not one week after word got out that I had a guppy (in a half gallon bowl) did people start coming over and unloading anything in their attic even remotely related to fish. Fish ten gallon tanks started showing up, then fake plants, then other tanks. I currently have a very nice 30 gallon tank with all the gaudy plants, castles, and rocks they could ever live to forget every three seconds because fish have no memorees…which is what I have been told, although they seem to remember that the little jar of food has food in it and all rise to the top of the tank when they see the jar. Anyway I have tanks, I have rocks, I have pirate ships, YOU name it. With any luck the fish I have now will die by saturday and I’ll have a very nice 30 gallon set up for sale too.
speaking of things dying…
VINTAGE…DDT. that’s right! back when this country used to know how to kill things there was a chemical called DDT, it killed ants, it killed coach roaches, it killed wasps, moths, lady bugs, butterflies, grass, DNA, and and possibly angels. (bottle of DDT is for display purposes only and at no time to we recommend the use of the contents of this jar)
speaking of changing the very environment
a dehumidifier? that seems pretty ordinary…WELL I haven’t told you what I used it for…cuz if I did..you would go MAD!
lots of other crap too…I mean stuff. Come and get it before it’s gone!