Hardwick vs Dykstra- With all that has come to light, I’d now call this pretty cut and dried….

It’s now been a couple of week since Chris Hardwick had his tv shows pulled from AMC, over accusations of sexual abuse, by his ex girlfriend Chloe Dykstra…since then..much has happened.

To begin with the headlines all said that his ex wrote an essay naming him as a sexual and emotional abuser.  That is not accurate. She wrote a three page blog about what an a-hole he is and thrown in the middle somewhere with no more emphasis than paragraphs about how he wasn’t affectionate enough, was six sentences accusing him of daily sexual abuse.  In that same blog..after that allegation..was an entire paragraph about how she wasn’t getting enough out of the relationship and that she had wished he loved her as much as she loved him. Me, myself, personally, I’d rather a sexual abuser NOT love me.  It’s all right there in her blog…read it if you think I’m not painting an accurate summary.   She claimed to have voicemails and other evidence to back up her claims, but never did produce anything of that order.  A few guys who worked with Hardwick said that they believe it, because he is an a-hole (I’m paraphrasing) .

Since the accusation Hardwick denied it, his wife came to his defense, three of his ex girlfriends came to his defense and texts have surfaced from Dykstra to Hardwick, seven months after the break up, in which she tried to get back into his life have been released, which Dykstra has not denied.

First, here’s the highlights of the three ex’s statements (you can find the whole thing if you wanna I don’t need this blog to be 8 pages long), then I’ll point out why, beyond the obvious, these are actually important.

Janet Varney

But I have also only grown increasingly concerned each passing day about the myriad of ways that my silence could be interpreted, and have felt compelled to share my own experience,”

“Over the seven years Chris and I were together, I was never subjected to any kind of sexual abuse or controlling behavior whatsoever,” Varney said. “Since our breakup in 2011, we have remained friends.”

Jacinda Barrett

“The accuser’s story bears no resemblance to the one I shared with him all those years ago,” Barrett said Monday on Instagram, “but what is of supreme importance here is that every woman and every man deserves a voice.”

“Everyone deserves to be heard. A rush to judgement [sic] denies the right to due process; the Metoo movement deserves due process,” .

Andrea Savage

“I’ve known Chris for over 15 years. We dated years and years ago,” Savage tells PEOPLE. “He is one of the kindest, most supportive, women-supporting, intelligent people I’ve ever met.”

“None of this rang true in terms of my experience with him,”

…let’s make sure we are all living in grown up land before I explain, to anyone who does not grasp it, how not only profound it is that three ex girlfriends came forward, but that it creates a timeline that is all but proof he is innocent to anyone who actually understands what they are talking about.

Sexual abuse is a profoundly horrific act done by monsters…but let’s be more technical, it is done by damaged human beings with who have developed vile abusive tendencies, and clinical, debilitating lack of ability to feel empathy. They often are damaged in childhood trauma, or sometimes adult trauma, and it takes years to develop into the personality disorders that make someone capable of such monstrous acts.  and it takes years of therapy to try to fix those things.  Everyone understand this? Because this culture has a severe lack of understanding when it comes to mental health issues.  Depression, character disorders…this culture watches movies and t.v. shows with them as plot devices and somehow starts to forget that those portrayals are fiction.  This is real life, real mental health issues.

SO…taking his ex girlfriends  testimonials that he was not abusive to them in any way, if we are to believe Dykstra…we have a timeline here-

From birth in November 0f 1973 until fall of 2011 absolutely not a sexual abusive human being, then in the fall of 2011 BAM! “hey, I think I’m gonna give this sexual abuse thing a go!”…then in July of 2014 “meh, this just isn’t for me.  I’m gonna go watch a parade.”…

THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

…are f*cking kidding me?   You have no earthly idea what you are talking about. ONE DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO JUST TURN THAT ON AND OFF.  It’s development and any possible rehabilitation takes YEARS.  That is why we have sexual predators lists….because the people who are sexual abusers have damage that is hardwired into them that does not simply go away.  And people who do NOT have such damage DON’T JUST PICK IT UP AS A HOBBY.  The behavior she describes is that of a monster. Someone doesn’t just go through life not being a sexual abuser…get a little stressed out and start sexually abusing people…just to try it on for size, then stop…like taking up golf or racquetball or learning to play the violin.

These women who came forward are about as credible a character witness as I can image.  They defended him, at considerable risk, for no reward, and they aren’t dating him anymore…and never will, he’s married to someone else.  This guy, he must be a f*cking prince among men.  Could YOU get two ex’s to risk their careers to defend you?!  I couldn’t.  If my fate depended on some ex girlfriends taking time out of their day, at the risk of their own career, to defend some guy they dated 5 years ago…I would just walk to the electric chair and patiently wait for someone to flip the switch.

THREE EX GIRLFRIENDS…came forward and said that this woman’s story does not describe the man they know…and described him as really decent human being and they knew him intimately him for years.  That gives us nearly two full decades of women who have dated him.

Which is dramatically more substantial than a few people who worked with Hardwick saying they believe it because he is an a-hole.  Let’s say, for the sake of argument he was an a-hole to them. What do the rest of us give a f*ck? Who cares if he’s an a-hole? Welcome to the creative industry…pretty much every man woman and child who is driven and ambitious is an a-hole, often it is required in order to get things done.  90% of the working population thinks their boss is an a-hole. It’s not against the law and doesn’t make them dangerous.

The word of Hardwick’s ex girlfriends give us a timeline that makes Chloe’s accusations an absolute fairy tale.  Never mind the fact that it never made sense in the first place, the blog contradicted itself, and her texts contradicted everything, AND that she hasn’t said JACK SQUAT about it since her texts were released.

She became conspicuously absent from social media for days, after the texts came out. Then popped back on to post this.

 

I’ll admit, that’s kind of an interesting story but she IS IN THE MIDST OF FALLOUT FROM ACCUSING SOMEONE OF SEXUAL ABUSE.  Actually I’d say she’ s in the middle of “oh, sh*t…this house of cards is falling apart”.  I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt that, she is in the middle of “oh sh*t” even though I have no reason at all to think she actually understands the gravity of her situation, of even the gravity the situation she accused Hardwick of.

Does she think everyone is just going to forget that texts have been released (I’m going to say this slowly) Texts from her..to Hardwick…seven months after the breakup…in which she is trying to get back into his life.  I have been saying up and down that NOTHING she said about him while they were dating or immediately after should , on it’s base, count against her accusation because an abusive relationship can wear on a person to the point they believe they are the problem not the abuser…BUT THIS IS SEVEN MONTHS LATER.

In order for us to believe her story AND the evidence right in front of our face, the situation had to go like this “hmmm…he did sexually abuse me for three years, but hey..we’re both in a different place now, I’d like to give it another whirl”.

On a side note-The thing that maybe blows my mind the most of her blog ( and that’s saying a lot) is towards the end when she mentions he yelled at her for spilling some water in a rental car.  I’m finding hard to reconcile that IF this guy was sexually abusing you for three f*cking years…you’d even have a memory of that incident, much less have it anywhere on the list of things about him that are bad. That must have been one hell of a scolding.   OR…she was lying about the abuse, and has no concept of how profoundly damaging it actually is, and so it seemed perfectly reasonable to mention it along side sexual abuse.  Actually, my mind is not blown…having personally seen what it does to people, I’m disgusted at the side by side presentation of sexual abuse and being yelled at about spilling something.

She has presented a six sentence accusation, in the middle of a three page blog, with no evidence or corroborating material of any kind.  Even though she claimed to have had some.

Hardwick’s defense has the testimonials of four women who have had long-term relationships with him, texts from Chloe contradicting her own story, youtube videos from Chloe showing she is willing to lie, reddit posts from Chloe showing she is willing to lie, and the fact that she threatened to have and to produce evidence and never did, and has stopped speaking about the entire matter.

WHY THE F*CK DOES HE NOT HAVE HIS JOB BACK YET?

Is there something I missed? Some evidence that was brought to light while I was typing? Show me, I don’t know this guy and I’m not his attorney…I’m perfectly willing to change my mind.  What did I miss? It’s been two weeks and not only has Dykstra not produced any of her alleged evidence, she’s ignoring the entire matter…as if it’s just going to go away.

What more would an innocent man be able to produce?  It is only dumb luck, that she’s such an idiot as to not delete old posts, that we were even able to know some of this damaging evidence to her credibility.  Do you need to see satellite imagery from space of their entire three-year relationship?  and video of them having sex?  If you still think he’s guilty right now..even that evidence would probably not change your mind.  You’d question whether or not part of it was on a loop.

I speak now to the sane grown ups…the metoo movement and/or those who attacked Hardwick in its name.  You can make a mistake, admit it  and learn from it and not have it do great damage to the cause.  OR you can make a mistake, not admit it, not learn from it, let a guy twist in the wind, and show the entire world that it is having a cause and not the victims that you actually care about.

It’s about the victims. They need to be able to come forward and taken seriously, and have their accusations be taken seriously…by people who know what the f*ck they are doing.  Leaving it up to internet headline skimming mob rule is not justice, it is not good for them…and they know it. Because a mob can turn the other way and go south as quickly as they started going north.

Would you want to come forward in this climate? Where people make snap judgements and hold to them in spite of evidence? I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t feel safe, it would be like trying to trust a whirlwind.   When I say we need to take these things seriously, I mean in the way we behave and react, and assess.  Because doing that gives those who are telling the truth no reason to fear, AND EVERY REASON TO COME FORWARD AND GET HELP.  Doing things the way this Hardwick situation was handled is taking the flip of a coin…and the victims know it.

Let the guy have his job back and next time wait to hear both sides, and give some actual thought to the thing.  Or just recuse yourself and let professionals handle it. Yeah…how about just do that.  And whatever the climate of the internet is or becomes, victims need to seek out the help, of people who can actually help them…not give them likes. Sexual abuse is as serious as murder, it shouldn’t be subject to a rotten tomatoes score.

 

 

 

 

 

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