Snowmageddon and the mob mentality
So the East Coast has had a pretty rough winter, and since only the East Coast matters, the world is shaken by the news. I was really hoping for more chaos because I am an agent of chaos. I don’t like order; I get bored very quickly with order.
So I got to thinking about theoretical situations. Like say for example what if there was a storm so bad that it knocked out power to the east coast for a while? I mean a really long time. Like months. How long before society completely collapses?
Not possible you say? Well you would be wrong. Think about it, how long would it take you to be without essential services before you said ‘Fuck society! I’m getting mine!’ Imagine, no TV, no phone, no internet, no power, no news from the outside world for months. Some people would go nuts without their smartphone for an hour, what if it was just a useless lump of plastic and metal for months. No Candy Crush, no texting, no Tinder. How would you live? Answer, you wouldn’t.
I think you get the drift. After a while this whole community thing would be an everyman for himself thing. But what about the police and armed forces you say? Again, you are wrong. Why are you so wrong all the time? Sure cops and soldiers would protect us for a time. But what happens when they stop getting paid for months and they see security and stability degrade around their homes. They see their families in danger and decide to protect their homes and not your always wrong ass. Yep, after a few months it starts looking all Mad Max in this piece.
That’s when I move in. Right when society is about to crumble and hungry mobs begin to form. Because I have been sitting on an assload of pitchforks. I have cornered the market on pitchforks; I am constantly looking for bargains and clearance pitchforks. What is the one thing that angry mobs need to be taken seriously? Pitchforks. And torches. OK, two things. But as Indiana Jones has taught us, you can make torches out of anything. Now good quality pitchforks, those are gonna cost ya. And I will be the one with all the pitchforks. I will only accept gold and bacon.
Dave, the Black Guy