I wonder if that’s what God feels like.
I moved out of my old apartment last month …I’ll get into more on that in a few days. But one of the many improvements over the old one (aside from hot water and electrical outlets that don’t start on fire)is as I sit at my new place I have an amazing view of the main street. The old place had a view of a 8 family rental property that was frequented by white trash that make honey boo boo look like the Queen of england…the only interesting thing (well actually I saw a lot of interesting things…bad things…bad things) was a spider that took up residence in my window frame. I watched him on a daily basis building webs …building them in an inefficient way as far as I was concerned. He would make the big outgoing lines like a start burst, then instead of going around and around making the connecting bulls eye webbing, he would go back and forth on each triangle. If you picture a sliced up pie, he would create the webbing for each slice individually instead of just going around and around in an outgoing spiral. This seemed stupid to me…and late at night when I was over tired I would try to explain this to him “hey jackson, just go around and around”.
The other stupid thing about him was the fact that every spring I would get infestations of carpenter ants …about 12 inches away from where he builds his web…like…”hey, dumbass, don’t you see all the ants always come in at the same place?! build the web there.” You are literally one window sill away from all the ants you could possibly eat. Why do you insist on staying there?”
Anyways, aside from my fish, the spider was the only other living being i dealt with on a regular basis. One day about a month ago I was drawing and out of the corner of my eye I saw something crawling on the desk and just out of knee jerk instinct I squished it. Yep…it was the spider. I didn’t even think about it when I did the squashing I just, like I said, noticed something out of the corner of my eye and “splat”.
Once I saw that it was the spider I said ” oh crap buddy, I wasn’t thinking YOU might be there”. The spider was wiggling and flailing around with the three functional legs it had left. I, with a baggy eyed uncomfortable look on my face just sort off …flicked him off the desk and then went back to work. “shrug…oh well…just a dumb spider anyhow”
I wondered if that’s what God feels like during a flood or some natural disaster. If he watches us from above, curious and annoyed…then the natural disaster hits and he’s “awh crap…you got squished …I wasn’t thinking you might be there…” and there we are like the spider wiggling and screeching ” ahhh why WHYYY did you allow this awful thing to happen to ME…I am SO IMPORTANT! gaughh it hurts! AGONYYYY!!! WHYYYY?” flailing and writhing around like we matter. Like it was personal somehow.
“shrug…oh well…just a bunch of dumb humans anyway”
I wonder if it’s like that.
This may make some people feel small…it make me feel BIG! I am only insignificant relatively speaking…to tiny creatures like spiders I am a higher power! I am the bringer of death and destruction! I am invincible!!! It makes me want to find more spiders…and befriend them…and then squish them partially leaving them disillusioned! hahahahahaha! Maybe…maybe get real close to the web while it watches and just wreck a little bit of it, and everyday come back, real close to the net so it wonders if today is the day I show mercy or total destruction! bwhahahahaha! I am mighty! I am half tempted to drop what I am doing and go find some floozy and have vigorous -I am self assured by killing a spider sex-… If I found some broad who is scared of spiders I bet we could really wreck the furniture over the whole concept…anyways…
I think about the spider now …realizing that the apartment I now live in that has things like working electrical outlets and hot water…is in a relative ratio…the same distance from my old place that was a deathtrap ( that I insisted in living in for five years)..to the spiders web (that he insisted on building in the same spot) and all the ants he could possibly eat. I am forced to accept that I am far more like the spider than a higher power.
So far I have found no spiders in this apartment, although they say you are never more than five feet away from a spider. That gives me the creeps. I wonder if we give God the creeps…like every time he looks down there are more of us. I bet that’s annoying.
These are the things I think about…
next time…the epic that was -the leaving of the old apartment