Welcome to the big leagues Greece
I don’t know how you people USED to run things but..
In case you haven’t heard yet I. ..Douglas Paszkiewicz , world class illustrator and writer will be at YOUR humble comic book convention! While i have been to every manner and size of comic book gathering I have yet to attend one in your country. Rather than confuse myself and insult you all by hamhandledly learning your customs…we are just going to do things my way.
The good news for you is my way works really great, especially for me. I will be on THREE discussion panels. The first one is a lecture by me on how to properly tell a story in comic book form. I go into techniques on leading the eye around the page, proper use of different panel sizes, how to set mood, set timing, how to use vanishing points not only for composition but for speeding up and slowing down the readers perception …sounds pretty good right? well too bad for you if you just heard about this now because it is full up. You cannot get into this panel if you didn’t already register. The second panel is a first come first seated discussion of animating comic books, where you will have to sit through the sheepish mumbled responses of four or five other “professionals” before you get to hear my riveting thoughts on the subject…BUT the last panel will be a Q and A featuring only me. This is also first come first seated. Now, I am not sure if you people actually use chairs or if this is simply a figure of speech and you will all just pack in like a tour bus in south america, so you should get there early.
When I am not at either of these panels I will be at the Jemma Press booth (until I annoy them to the point that they send me on some “sight seeing”). I will have books, original artwork, prints, t-shirts, and everything people in the U.S.A. get when they come to a comic book convention, except maybe drinking water with fluoride in it. Here are a few do’s and dont’s.
DO- bring sketchbooks or comics to have me autograph or sketch in. I am happy to do these for no charge as long as it isn’t something too time consuming.
DO- bring candy…or whatever passes for candy in your country.
DO- feel free to engage me in conversation about how great I am, how glad you are that I came to your show, or even wonder out loud if all Americans are as charming and good looking…they are not however.
DO- bring whatever money you have and spend it on my wares…hell, it’s all Germanys money anyhow, screw those huns and their austerity measures. Give the world bank the finger by handing over their filthy blood euros to an american who will promptly take it all back to the U.S. where it will be safe from europe’s upcoming collapse. And after the collapse and your infrastructure has been destroyed by looting anarchists…you will have my comic books to read while all of your friends lament the fact that their is no electricity to power t.v.s or internet.
Do not- be offended if I get busy and have to cut our conversation short. There may be scores of people waiting to see me…or it may just be you …I don’t know. But either way, when I am at the convention I am on duty , and must convert as many people to my books as possible. There will be plenty of time after the show to stare at me in wild eyed amazement, or attempt to learn from my nigh limitless wisdom.
Do- wrinkle your nose up at the other guests while waiting to talk to me.
Do not- be afraid to argue with me about anything you wish or give me a hard time. I can take it just as well as I give it out, although I would prefer more heated debates be had before or after the convention hours.
Do not- attempt to woo me with your devilish European feminine wiles, in preparation for what looks like the inevitable inauguration of our first Mormon president I will be wearing special mormon underwear ( they wear special underwear…look it up) and by the time we figure out how to get it off I will no longer be drunk .
I think that about covers it, but if i missed anything I will be sure to shout it at you while waving for security.