Every time I turn on the internet I hate it more. What world is everyone living in where this crap is actually interesting to them?
“life hacks” useless trivia, dumbass videos, isn’t that why everyone left Myspace in the first place? Okay fine…I can do this
Hey, here’s some life hacks for you that you can actually use.
1- Worried your apartment smells because you decided to live like a human being for one single day and cook actual food, like a nice piece of salmon maybe…and then just put the dishes in the sink and went to sleep…and now you can’t get the salmon smell out of your apartment? Cosmic punishment for trying to convince yourself being pathetic and single is going to be okay. and now you have people coming over and no matter how hard you clean, the fishy aroma seems to still be faintly in the air? Burn some popcorn! The burnt popcorn smell will overpower everything else!
2- have some broken crap? turn it into a lamp. It’ll start a fire and you can take the insurance money and move somewhere that doesn’t smell like the ladies locker room of a strip club after someone burned popcorn.
Not into Life hacks? okay..okay…no problem
Historical facts that will blow your mind!!!
During WWII Japaneses solders would rape and murder Chinese by the thousands and cut their heads off in front of their village…and now they make Hello Kitty Dolls, and overly cute crap, a signal that they still are not quite right over there and it is only a matter of time before they snap and start slaughtering kids again.
Isn’t History fun! No? okay, how about some videos!
You won’t believe how cute this baby is! 😀
What I like to do is do a split screen of the cute baby vids next to the most horrific porn I can find, then it’s like the baby is watching and laughing! Ha ah, Look at that baby giggling at what is no doubt a teenage runaway whose alcoholic Dad used to beat the crap out of her, getting the business end of some swarthy eastern block guys. What? the baby thinks it’s funny.
Okay how about a quiz. Which Disney talking inanimate object are you?
None of them, they are drawings. You are a person. But if you want to believe you are something else , you would most likely be the A Disney employee working 50 hours a week to scrape by while Disney takes the profits and funnels the money to the communist party.
That’s not true…the communist part. he wasn’t a communist and stop believe everything as soon as you read it. Although he was pretty tight with J Edgar Hoover. I like to pretend J Edgar Hoover would record himself interrogating Red Spies using a silly cartoon voice and send it to Disney like “hey you should use me in one of your cartoons! You don’t have to pay me, it would just be fun to do it”
Okay, forget the quiz.
How about something on Tesla? People on the internet love Tesla! They love hearing about how he figured out how to get free electricity but was murdered by Edison who took his notes and burned them or something. 1- IF…IF..this happened don’t you think Edison would have just patented the machine that converts the free energy from the thin air or rainbows or whatever and made a bazillion dollars off it? Unless you can suck the “free energy” out of the air with a straw and blow it into the back of your stereo , you’re going to need to buy something to convert it. Even if it is a simple machine Americans wouldn’t bother to make it themselves, we throw stuff away once the batteries die in this country. Also IF…IF…this were true that would make Tesla the biggest asshole who ever lived for having ONE set of notes and not several thousands hidden everywhere and given to confidants.
Dating advice! Don’t date anyone who was in a video I watch next to a baby video, beyond that it’s a crap shoot. Anyone over thirty who is still single is probably a horrible human being. It’s just the law of averages. Found someone who isn’t a horrible human being? Congratulations. that means YOU are the horrible human being.
maybe some weight lose tips or exercise advise. Do what I do, go the the gym once in awhile and have skinny parents. Don’t have skinny parents? No big deal, it’s not so bad, you could have had the parents that poor girl in the video had. Eat whatever you want, who cares. Being in shape won’t make you live forever, you could get hit by a bus. If you get hit by a bus you have much better odds of surviving if you are fat, you have some cushion. If I get hit by a bus every bone in my body will shatter on impact.
Hmm none of this was particularly mind blowing was it? Well hold on,,,I saved the best for last. THIS is mind blowing ( read and come back here)
Wow! Those people have degrees in marketing and can’t quite agree. Facebook sure puts a lot of work into making sure you don’t get to see anything worthwhile. uhm…I mean making sure your newsfeed is interesting. I mean making sure guys like me have to repost crap 1409 times in order for the 2500 people who friended me because they want to see my stuff actually get to see my stuff. That’s alright, I’m not trying to earn a living or anything.
Once again below are links to other places to find me. But this here blog is ground zero for Arsenic Lullaby and myself.
occasionally I do a podcast, they are good but I only do them once in awhile they are here https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/a-strangers-voice/id436277765?mt=2 I also put the podcasts up on this here blog for people without Itunes, so just keep coming here weekly and one will show up from time to time.
AND of course www.arseniclullaby.com where you can find all this and more!