I am NOT old and you will PAY!


DAMN YOU “oldies” station!  Listen to me right now…a song that came out when I was in high school is NOT an “oldie”.  YOU HEAR ME!?  Into the great wide open by Tom Petty is not an “oldie” nor is it a “classic”.  Johnny Depp was in the video for f*cks sake.  He’s on 21 jump street…was on 21 jump street…when was show?  F*CK!  …sob.

Okay…here’s what is going to happen.  You are going to restrict your playlist to baby boomer music, or I am going to mend my wounded ego, and prove to you and myself that I am still young and hip, by finding out what college your daughter goes to and give a lecture there and then take her back to the dorm YOU are paying for and give it to her until hell won’t have it.  It won’t even be a problem, don’t think it will be.  I draw Arsenic Lullaby, had a segment on Comedy Central’s Trip Tank.  I can have those panties off faster than you can say “there is a time and a place for everything and that is college”.  there is a place for something else and it’s between you daughters legs…get me?!  Play that song again and she’ll be calling ME daddy next weekend.   hmm.  Actually her calling me “daddy” might be counter productive to the entire purpose.  I’ll call her mommy.  Actually, no…let’ s not do that.  Let’s forget that whole part.  There is a time and a place for everything and unless you want that “thing” to be my penis, and that place to be your daughters vagina then you are going to make sure the time and place I hear music that came out when I went to high school is NOT on the playlist of your “oldies ” station.  MAKE ME FEEL OLD AGAIN AND I WILL MAKE YOU A GRANDPA.  I will knock her up and disappear like a thief in the night.  OR maybe I’ll give you a lesson in new, young, hip things, like twitter, and instagram and vines.  You want me to fill the internet with images of me and her going at it like two monkeys in a paint shaker?  Play it again….go ahead…I will have you dreading turning on the internet the way I am dreading what other song I heard in high school is now deemed by you to be an “oldie”



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