Here’s my problem with Gay Pride month.

I’m gonna tell you something right now, the next time I have some important thing that needs to be negotiated…I’m gonna make sure a LBGT person is doing it for me.  Because how in the blue hell do you get to have JUNE?  That’s like the best month.  Black people got February…you can’t have a parade in February! and how did you get a WHOLE MONTH?!  It’s out of scale and you know it!  You’re like 5% of the population, blacks are what…25%?  maybe more?  How is it you get the same amount of time?  You should get Gay Pride Tuesday through Thursday.  And Black History month is full of bummers.  Celebrating people like MLK and Harriet Tubman is nice, but it’s also a downer.  Pride month is nothing but concerts and parades, in nice weather, MAYBE someone brings up Senator Milk…and someone else says “who” and then goes back to partying.

I don’t even get any month because I’m Sicilian.  NO that’s not the same as Italian history month!  They are two different things…what’s the difference?  WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?!…I don’t know, but it’s two different words ain’t it?  and even if you lump it in with Italian history month what do I get?  A bunch of people bitching that Columbus murdered a bunch of people, some painters from several centuries ago and everybody doing Sopranos impressions.  You know when Italian history month is?  October. You know why you didn’t know that? because October is all about Halloween…no gives sh*t about anything else.  What am I supposed to do? dress like Mussolini for Halloween?

This is Bullsh*t!  Yeah, I see you..laughing up your sleeve at the rest of us. “haha, these breeders left June wide open!” How the f*ck did no one else pick JUNE? You get the best month, you annexed the rainbow as a symbol somehow, and I’ll say something else…STOP ADDING F*CKING LETTERS TO YOUR NAME. It used to just be LGB, then it was LGBT…now I guess it’s LGBTQ?  are there any other letters you wanna add?!  Just get it over with and take them all, why don’t ya?! Just take ALL the letters, ALL the nice weather, ALL the best concerts…What the f*ck is Q doing there anyway?!  Doesn’t Queer pretty much cover the whole thing?  I’m not an expert, but to the general population “queer” pretty much blankets the whole thing.  Q…that’s all you should get.  Q and Tuesday through Thursday in early March, when it’s still cold out.   I don’t give a sh*t about who you can marry, I want a decent month for my nationality, I want to not have to remember another letter got tacked onto your name every two weeks, and I want to stop not being able to see the best bands because the ticket prices are two high because they are playing at some LGBTQXYZ event and you all have more disposable income than I do because you didn’t make any of the sh*tty life choices that I did.

…enjoy your month.

HMPF!

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