You call THAT promotion?!


I’m going to start right off…and tell you I’m the a-hole here…probably…no…I am..MOSTLY, being an hole by complaining about the following.  I know this, but…still.

Should I be annoyed when someone is listing off bios of people and they’ll mention four or five things for everyone else and when they get to me they only mention A.L.? It happens just about every time and it’s f*cking irritating, I was on Mad Magazine for six years which outsells about every comic book on the rack, and wrote for Comedy Central which has what…3 million viewers? F*cking people’ll rattle off every c*cksucking project other people have worked on and when they get to me I’m just some guy who does an indy book. …I know I’m taking it the wrong way, I know I am, I’m in a bad mood…but Lord help the next person who does this. I earned that work and it’s insult by omission.

I have a specific example but they ALL f*cking do this, reviewers, interviews, conventions…all of them.  as though my resume has been stagnant since 9-11.

I ranted online and two of my friends put me it in perspective

Spiros Derveniotis Ι would take it as a huge compliment. All the other stuff are Borg projects, where your uniqueness is assimilated in a Collective Consciousness. Ιt’s far better to me mentioned as the King of your own dominion. “Yeah, yeah, he worked for the empire like a gazillion peasants, but… OMG, HE IS THE CREATOR OF ARSENIC FUCKIN’ LULLA F*CKIN’ BY!

Hal C F Astell I get this. Who’s this guy? Well, he worked on this title for this company and that title for that company and I’ll keep going until you show some sort of recognition. OK, who’s that guy? Dude, that’s Doug from Arsenic Lullaby! What else is needed?

...and they’re right, I’m taking it 100% the wrong way. PERIOD.

…and yet

Seeing as how one of the shorts I wrote for f*cking Comedy Central was takin directly from the pages of Arsenic Lullaby, they could say ” of Arsenic Lullaby the comic which has also been animated and shown on Comedy Central.” Unlike just about every other book not in the top forty, mine has graduated into TV. and YET this f8cking industry continues to act like… I…am the one toiling away in obscurity, because up until now…I haven’t been shoving it up peoples asses.

How is it actual comedians, and producers, and executives all treat me like I have a place at the table, but in the comic book industry I’m a second class citizen?!…ah f*ck it…when it comes right down to it, what do I care. If the only respect I get in comics comes from the fans…fine, that’s all I give a rats ass about anyway…I forgot that for a minute.

Who gives a F*CK .?! Not me.

…but…see…the thing is…

okay…watch this guy.  Just, skip ahead to say…2:59

See what I’m talking about?!  Is THAT supposed to be helpful?!  “Most people won’t know”….?  WHAT PEOPLE?! There are times in this business where you have two choices 1- be a pompus ass or 2- completely fade into the background.  So I’m going to choose option 1 because I need to squash this myth once and for all.   I let the “cult status” thing run it’s course because it served the book well in a particular era, but guess what all you people who want to think you have found the obscure gem…if we’re talking about comic book readers under 40- most people have heard of Arsenic Lullaby.

I know..I have been here from the beginning when no one had heard of it , through the times when some have heard of it, to nowadays when talking to one complete stranger after the next at every comic-con in the U.S. more often than not that person has heard of it from someone and has a vague idea of what it is.  and in a business where there are seven different niche markets all co-existing…that’s about as good as it gets.

You have your Todd Macfarlanes, Your Stan Lee’s, your Rob Liefelds’ ..the top tier of comic book maker name recognition and then you have everyone else with somewhat of a semblance of name recognition.  So all that hidden gem sh*t that I’ve been milking…we can all move on. It’s 2017 and Arsenic Lullaby has been out there selling books, getting nominated for awards and appearing in larger publications for 15 years.

NOW…technically, most people might not know ME…or like this fellow be able to say my name.  Which really ain’t that f*cking hard, you don’t have to roll your tongue or make clicks and whistles like some aborigine tribe. PAS-KAY-VICH.  Easy.

…actually, he gave it a good try, and if you’re just looking at it in type you don’t have much of a chance, and I don’t mind if people butcher it, but I’m already in a mood so I’m bitching.

BUT HERE’S THE OTHER THING. Look at this face at 4:35

THAT is the face of COWARDICE.

see the weakness in the eyes…see his body posture becoming less upright and confident and his head turning slightly away?

that wasn’t there when he was talking about other books…look…chest puffed out, smiling, twinkle in his eyes…

But when he gets to A.L. it’s all apprehension and “It’s not for everybody…blah blah blah” same shit everyone says who likes the book but is worried about recommending it.  First off…no book is for everybody, notice he never says when mentioning a marvel or dc book “this book isn’t for everybody…if you don”t like reading 60 year old out dated worn out sh*t, you might not like it”.

For that matter people don’t go “nightmare on Elm street is good, but it’s not for everybody”, because, DUH.  Just say it’s dark humor…that’s plenty of information.   He’s apprehensive about a book because it’s got cartoon fetuses on it…on the internet where at the drop of a hat people at any moment will be arguing about actual abortion in graphic detail…

It is 2017, there’a mass shooting every three months the president was on tape saying “grab them by the pussy”…stop coddling your fellow man and just recommend a book you think is good.

And this is a perfectly defend-able book anyways. It’s not shock for the sake of shock, it’s as smartly written as anything on the shelf.   Even people who don’t have the stomach for it have admit that it is brilliant satire.

Can everyone all stop being so f*cking skittish about it, there is no need, society has crumbled…no one I show this book to anywhere turns white and passes out.

Used to be grown ups would try to shelter the younger generation from abrasive stuff…now they’re sheltering each other, meanwhile generation Z and the millennials DGAF about saying loud and proud when they like A.L.  I never hear anyone under 30 say “it’s good but…” they just say “it’s good, you should should get it!”

Having said all that…I am completely self aware that I’m jumping on this guy and others unfairly and for no reason.  He gave me a nice plug…he showed off the book…He seems to genuinely like it, and just enthusiastic about comics, and a nice guy…and what am I doing, I’m ripping him. Why? Why am I being such an asshole? and for that matter I’m ripping into people who are sitting minding their own business. and it’s my fault anyways for ridding the hidden gem wagon as long as I did.

…for crying out loud, I screen captured his expressions and everything.  Actually though, I’m always screen capturing stuff now that I learned how…

sigh…oh my sweet sweet Irish reaction video lady. You would never f*ck up my name, or if you did it would seem charming. #katieonthecouch 

( …that’s her hashtag campaign..I’m not implying anything)

…back to what I was saying.  It must be the change of seasons getting to me or a full moon or something.

…but still.  AND they guy tags me….on a video where he says most people haven’t heard of my book and then warns people they might not like it?!  I mean…how would you take that?

Probably more maturely than me, and with a reasonable amount of gratitude for the plug he didn’t need to do for you in the first place…while butchering your last name.  cripes…I need to stop being so stressed out.  and change my name, probably.  Look, rather than struggle, just say Douglas Pasz from now on.  that’s fine…no one’s going to open the book see Douglas Paszkiewicz and think you meant someone else when you said “Pasz”.  Just do that when introducing me at a con or podcast or review or whatever…we don’t need to waste the time of you asking me how to pronounce it…you need that time to warn grown adults that there might be a joke in there that will give them the vapors.

F*ck! I just did it again.

Why can’t I stop? This rant/mood clearly has nothing to do with anything I was bitching about…because none of it was worth bitching about and most of it was me being in the wrong.

…what’s the problem here? the patriots going 2-2? winter coming?  I dunno.  Forget everything I said.

…except all of it.

I need a vacation.

I hereby apologize to everyone and specifically to Urgle Carple. hahahaha! How do YOU like IT,  ya name wrecking c*cksucker!

…You know what it might be?  I see all these middle aged “Pros” from the big 2 making complete assholes out of themselves in twitter wars with readers, and …maybe part of me feels left out.  It’s been like a year since I decideD I’m not getting involved in any online bullsqaut like all the other idiots who don’t see that it’s a assinine waste of time, and that writing comic books doesn’t give you any high moral authority/Social justice mission handed down by  the heavens/jurisdiction over everyone who reads comic books.  So, I’ve avoided it all and it’s been nice…it’s been great actually, not arguing online, seeing it all from a distance really gives you perspective on how counterproductive it is.  but I think I’m what you call a “dry drunk”.  Moments of surliness due to the lack of stimulant in the system.

anyways…I guess you could classify this as some sort of episode/ borderline falling off the wagon, but it’s still progress.

Let me try to fix it- go ahead and give his video a thumbs up and maybe subscribe…and if he pulls that sh*t again you come back here and let me know!!!

sigh…maybe I don’t want to get better.

Plus…you’re all a bunch of enablers.  When I say something here that’s level headed or simply about the making of comics, the response is so-so. When I’m on here griping the traffic is through the roof.  This is your fault.

Might as well plug the Arsenic Lullaby Email updates…often times i rant and give sneak previews to people who are signed up that aren’t seen anywhere else.  Like just this week I sent out a whole blog about working on the Tick that you didn’t get unless you were signed up.

so sign up..HERE 

and don’t forget you can see me soon at Grand Rapids Comic-Con Oct 20-22 info HERE


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