The Paszkiewicz Method to beating depression

Here’s a blog I meant to do during the holidays but didn’t get to because I was mired in the Fetus X-mas Ornament fiasco, but it is valuable advice for beating depression.  SO, If you suffer from depression and didn’t kill yourself …this will help next time.  If you DID kill yourself because I didn’t get this up in time, feel free to haunt my crappy apartment.

Okay most psychiatrists will tell you that one emotion leads into another…anger turned inward becomes depression, for example.  Writers will tell you that tragedy plus timing equals comedy.  It has long been my assertion that horror and comedy were also connected.  Something can be so funny it is horror and so horrible that it’s funny.  A slasher movie, for example, that is so over the top filled with gore becomes something we laugh at…conversely Bill Cosby’s stand up comedy is so horrible it is funny.  What do I mean by that?  His stand up is observational humor- he points out things we all go through and they become funny because we ALL go through them.  A black man, who grew up in Philly, in the 50’s, has by and large lived a life each and every one of us can relate to.  Think on that a moment…it’s horrifying.   Neither race, nor time nor location, nor social structure makes ANY of our lives any different…that’s F*CKING HORRIFYING. 

Look at it like the face of a clock.  when you get around noon or 6pm you are very close to being in either situation.

NOW…let’s take depression. Same thing as far as I’m concerned. Allow me to explain perhaps the most important truth I have ever fed you.

You’re fairly depressed…or more than fairly…that puts you anywhere from 4pm to 6pm.  Your average dope would tell you to fight your way out of it…listen to happy music, watch a comedy, visit an effort to turn the clock back to at least 11:55.  But that’s an uphill battle isn’t it?  You’re further from 11:55 than you are from 6:31.  What you need to do is start piling on.  Keep the hand moving until you’re so miserable that nothing matters and everything is absurd and funny. If you’ve ever been depressed, truly “end of your rope” depressed and made it through, you have probably reached the point where you are so miserable that your brain simply misfires and it all becomes a morbid comedy.  It’s so painful your brain can’t process it and you laugh at it all.  It is just one click of the minute hand between ” I have to end it all” and “well…I’m f*cked…who cares…what’s the next shoe to drop?” …  The point were you are no longer dreading “what’s next” but …in a strange way…looking forward to it.  Morbidly curious as to how it could possibly get any worse., and when it does you laugh and go “Ha! sure…why not!  go ahead and let that happen”

So the key…once you go past 3pm …is not to fight it, but to pile on.  Find depressing songs, watch bleak miserable movies.  Engulf yourself in things so life sapingly sad that you just go numb…and eventually giddy.

I have a few movie recommendations here…

The Road

A beautiful mind

I am Sam

The boy in the striped pajamas


It’s a wonderful life –

BUT you should stop that movie the second time George goes to the bridge…just watch his life go right to hell…then watch him regret living and stop it right there before he gets a second chance…BRUTAL and strangely cathartic knowing you stopped him from ever being happy when you clicked “pause” when he’s crying on the bridge.

Trust me on this…this method works.  You can’t fight the ocean, and there is nothing destiny loves more that kicking you every time you try to get up.  There is often no reprieve from the blows as you struggle to get to your feet, BUT if you can claw your way UNDER the canvas, you can crawl out of the bottom of the ring to safety.

If all else fails use this link and add your own words to the song.

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