Store rant, A.I. and my birthday

 Happy birthday to me.

We have a NEW storefront. As many of you pointed out, the old one uploaded like a slug on a cold day. Trust me, it was just as aggravating on the back end, and it arbitrarily decided when it was going to alert me to new orders. It also listed the orders in whatever the hell way it felt like on any given day. Are they in alphabetical? are they in date of order placed? spin the dial and find out. It was f8cking horrible to use.

 It came with the website. there were two other choices of storefront and each one was a good as the next. SO…we are, for the time being, using a third party platform that actually works and is reliable.  It’s a “storenvy” store. Storenvy is like a slightly more professional version of Esty.  I’m not super stoked about that but the choice was- use this platfrom that is user friendly, actually works, and people trust, or spend two weeks trying to get one the other storefront programs that came with the website to work and figure out how to attach all the necessary security.  Pride goes before the fall as they say, so we’re going with store envy until joe and I have time to figure something else out.

 I’ll say this much already, It only took me about 45 minutes to set the whole f*cker up, products, images, and all.  The old webstore that would have been the better part of a day…much of it clicking “YES” to window after window of “are you sure you want to add this?”“are you really really sure?”…”so to be clear, you want to add this product?” YES MUTHERF*CKER! ADD THE STINKING PRINT TO THE F*CKING STORE PLEASE.  I can’t help but wonder if people looking to buy the print had to go through the same series of pointless windows “are you sure you want this?” …“are you super extra sure?…because the guy who drew it is kind of a jerk and swears at me a lot and threatens to make a voodoo doll with zero’s and one’s painted on it to symbolize the computer coding that makes up my existence and then start his front car tire on fire and run the voodoo doll over with that flaming tire in hopes that somehow a non sentient computer program will feel that pain”.

…I hear they are making A.I. sex androids now that respond to physical touch. I’m buying one the first chance I get.  Not to have sex with, to call it into the room and punch it in the stomach as hard as I can every time my computer f*cks me over.

“Get  in here…The f8cking laptop froze up again, I think 2 hours of work is gone”

“You look sex-y to-day dog-las would-n’t you ra-ther.. “


Then I’d grab it by the hair and hold a knife to it’s eye and turn to the laptop

“I’ll do it! I’ll f*cking pop her eyeout!  Start back up!  Don’t make me count to three!”

 …Since it is my birthday this week coupon code -birthday- is good for 30% off until Tuesday!!! because…I’m 30 now.


What are you looking at me like that for? I’m 30…prove I’m not. You know what? Screw you. YOUR coupon code is -ahole- and it’s good for 3% off. What do you think of that? and the new store has facial recognition software and it’ll know you didn’t believe I was 30 and it’s not going to let you use any other code.

That’s not true. But if there was such a storefront, I’d pay extra for it. I’d set it to charge you extra, and maybe give a bigger discount if you are single and hot.

anyways…the new store is up for you HERE.

The package deal of both the A.L. collections would be a decent gift…if you have a jerk/weirdo on your X-mas list.  Two books both with sketches, that beats a gift card any day.

The Arsenic Lullaby X-mas Bomb Shelter returns friday, and we have a new Arsenic Lullaby “randomizer” that gives you random A.L. comics to read, ready for you to waste time with.  New A.L. Krampus prints and stuff are on the way next week.

I might have a coloring contest again, I might not.  My thought when starting it three years ago was- it gives you something to do, and it gives ME something to do during a slow, meloncali time of year.  But how it keeps ending up is you guys wait til the last minute to submit your stuff and I end up with nothing to do until jan.2, when a couple dozen entries come in when I’m no longer slow or depressed…and I have to then do a bunch of website bullsh*t when I should be doing something else.  So…I dunno, let me know if it’s something you want to do again, maybe I’ll come up with some sort of incentive for getting your entry in early.

That’s all for now.


When Douglas is not complaining, he and his work can be found here

Have friends who might like Arsenic Lullaby?…tell them to sign up for the Arsenic Lullaby Email HERE.  Thanks in advance.


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