2016…I’m glad that’s over
A bunch of beloved entertainers died this year…if one of them was someone you admired, consider yourself fortunate. First, they could have lived long enough for your entire view of them to be ruined forever (Bill Cosby). Second, they died ahead of the giant wave of baby boomers that will die in the next 5-10 years. They are elderly now and will begin dropping like flies. about 30% of the entertainment industry is going to drop dead in the next decade and the news will come so fast and furious that legends like Harrison Ford will be lumped in with some neighbor on a sitcom that ran for two years. And no one going forward will likely get a week of death news to him or herself. So, you might as well get used to the idea…people get old, and then they die. Sometimes people just die because they died. You’re all going to die one day
It’s good to keep that in mind, for perspective. We (you) are all mortal and only here for a short time. We should not fall into the temptation to hate each other, because in mortality we are all part of the family of mankind…the family of mankind circa 2016. If there is an afterlife where all the souls go…one day you could be there amongst every soul that ever existed, anywhere, at anytime and you may find yourself in a situation where the only person you have anything in common with is the person you hate the most right now. All the things that divided you will seem inconsequential in relation to the chasm of difference between you two and those others who come from a different time, culture, and who lived with technology and surroundings completely alien to you both. Perhaps you’ll both be standing there, surrounded by souls from 18th century England. and you’ll turn to each other and ponder “what the f*ck is that smell?! Is that these people? “. “they smell like aluminum shavings and baby powder.” And every reference you make might as well be a different language to them and it’ll just be one inside joke after the next between the two of you. “Top of the morning to you sir! and your wife is looking very Jarjar Binks esque today if you don’t mind me saying so!” It’s gonna be awesome. Of course they’ll do the same thing to you with some Napolianic references, but do you care? They’re from a time before high fructose corn syrup…buncha savages that are barely even human, gibbering about Mad hatters disease or some sh*t. Make sure when they turn to leave you step on the train of the broads dress so it jerks her backwards and say “that’s a customary farewell in our time”. Maybe pull out your junk and wave it at them…see how much you can get away with under the ruse of it being ordinary in your era. What are they gonna do? Chase you down in those ridiculous pantaloons?
I wouldn’t try anything like that with any Mongolian warriors or Vikings if any of them are there. You’ll want to stick to mingling with people from times and places that you are stronger and faster than. The average Civil War solder was 5″6, but they killed each other with bayonets…so maybe that era but places that weren’t at war. And don’t sleep with any of them because syphilis was running rampant. You’re gonna want to do your dating wayyyy in the past before VD was everywhere, like maybe the first couple tribes of humans that actually looked human, or what the hell- a cro magnon…eternity is a long time there’s no point is declaring limits until you realize how boring sex is after a billion years. After you’ve had every kind of sex there is with every kind of human that ever was…some slopped browed cro magnon broad might be a nice change of pace. It’s not like you’ll have to call her the next day, she probably doesn’t have a name. On the other end of the spectrum though, there’s a big opportunity to date out of your league. It’s eternity, you can spend a million years trying to wear down Doris day or Marylin Monroe’s will. “Look Amelia Air-heart …you can just give me a BJ now, or I can keep creeping on you for the next two millennia”…I probably wouldn’t try that on her specifically, since she probably spent 40 years alone on a desert Island…she’s gonna want to do a lot of talking. But you get the point. Another upside, Prince has been dead for awhile now, so anyone who wasn’t any good in bed…has probably been taught a thing or two.
Anyways, For me 2016 was a mixed bag. I got a lot of interesting freelance work and more is coming in. Inexplicably, I have survived long enough to be a respected elder-statesmen and renowned comic book pro and work is coming in on it’s own that I would have stabbed someone in the face for years ago. My own endeavors on the other hand have been vexed at every turn. For example the Comic-Con International Exclusive that was printed backwards…the lawsuit that continued the delay on Arsenic Lullaby “The Devil’s Only Friend” and other stuff I haven’t had time to bitch about..including a collection that was supposed to be done for Xmas….but didn’t get done until this week. HERE.
Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something. Perhaps it is telling me that self publishing is a young man’s game. That my nine lives have run out. Perhaps I have lost a step and am a fraction of a second too slow now to side step catastrophe as easily as I had in years past. Or perhaps it’s just the balance of the universe and eventually the dice stop rolling in your favor. Or it could have just been a rough year.
I can tell you this much…doing work for other companies is a f*ck of a lot less stressful. I have one, maybe two jobs…as opposed to the 16 jobs I have when I am self publishing something. On the other hand I’m advancing someone else’s ideas as opposed to my own intellectual property. On the other, other hand there isn’t the risk involved. I draw something, I get paid, the end. As opposed to my self published work, were I draw something, HOPE it get printed correctly, promote it myself and then get it into you hands somehow myself. When the books arrived at Comic-Con International, printed incorrectly, that was 30% of the yearly revenue out the window…that will give you a jolt, let me tell ya. On the other, other, other hand…there are stories I have that no one else in their right mind would publish and won’t see the light of day unless I publish them. There is a daily fork in the road where I have to choose between one or the other.
To that end…if you wanna see more of my self published stuff, I suggest you start letting me and the world know. I happily put the effort into the projects that get the most traction from fans. I’m not giving you an ultimatum or anything like that, I’m just giving you the lay of the land. Do with that information what you will.
Now then…as we kiss 2016 goodby and give it the finger. We are having a end of the year sale! coupon code XMASDONE is good for 25% off your entire order (Including Original artwork!) at the Arsenic Lullaby online store
PRO TIP- At the end of the year I am eager to clean out my office and always jam extra stuff into the orders just to get it out of here
PRO TIP- The store is MOSTLY user friendly, but you have to make sure you’re scrolling done to see everything on each category)
PRO TIP-The Pulp Edition is just about sold out for the third time and I won’t be reprinting it again anytime soon.
PRO TIP- I got copies of the Archer and Armstrong no.10 from Valiant that I did the alternative cover for. The first handful of people who order the print of that cover are going to get an autographed copy
Load up! The collection that was meant for the XMAS season is there, and so is a bunch of other stuff. Get it now, save some cash, get some great work.
Happy f’n new year.
P.S. The A.L. XMAS Coloring contest ends soon. Give it a try, maybe win original art info HERE
And here’s the collection I was going on about.
Our choice of 90pgs of the best stories from early comic books sized issues of Arsenic Lullaby. Limited to 300 copies, signed and numbered. circa 1999-2001
The first ever Voodoo Joe story, Alien Centaurs find out their sun has been named after some dopes wife, Baron Von Donut recounts his time in Nazi Germany, and MORE.
Great for new readers, or fans who have missed back issues, or fans who don’t want to have to dig out back issues everytime they want to read the older stuff.
Comes with a sketch on the back from the Illustrator himself Douglas Paszkiewicz. GET IT HERE
*If you have the Devil’s Decade Arsenic Lullaby ten year collection, you already have these stories*