RE: falling into Gorilla pit. You think THAT is bad parenting?

A three year old fell into a Gorilla pit in Ohio this weekend and the Zoo officials  shot the Gorilla and rescued the boy.

This has lead the all wise, all knowing internet to blame the mother and rant and rave about them shooting the Gorilla.  “bad Parenting” is what I have been seeing most. 

Here’s a link on the off chance you have not seen the “outrage”

…uhm…let me give you some examples of bad parenting- Your daughter had three abortions by the time she was 16 and ended up being a stripper snorting coke in the bathroom.  You son has been arrested several times for theft, vandalism or violent crimes. Your son or daughter hasn’t seen you since they were conceived.  Your son or daughter comes to school each week with a black eye from “falling down”.  Your son or daughter is on his or his own in front of a computer looking at lord knows what, while you are on some other computer looking at Lord knows what. THAT is bad parenting.

You taking your kid to the Zoo and him finding his way into a Gorilla pit, is …bizarre, and unfortunate, but not bad parenting. Those of you with no kids, no contact with kids, or who are lying to themselves may not understand this, but kids have minds of their own, and are constantly trying to implement the schemes those minds come up with.  Children are like cobras, they only need you to avert your eyes for split second in order to strike. 

If you are a parent and stating to the internet that this would never have happened to you, you are a liar.  Think back for a moment, are you going to tell us that in all time your 3 year old was in your care, you never lost sight of him or her?  Not once in a grocery store did you look down and realize he/she had wandered into another aisle?  BULLSH*T.  Kids see something that grabs their attention and they are off to the races the second you look in your purse for a coupon.

In this case, what grabbed the kids attention was a 400 pound Gorilla.  He didn’t understand the danger because he was a stupid kid who saw to many Disney movies. Much like the adults who saw to many Disney movies who don’t understand why they had to shoot the gorilla.  Allow me to explain it to you.  That was a 400 pound wild animal.  Wild animals in real life, unlike in movies, are incredibly dangerous  when there is something new in their environment. Dangerous and unpredictable.  They may be docile one second and violent the next. Much like the three year old, there is no way of knowing what is in their head until it is too late.

The Gorilla seemed to be looking after the boy in it’s own clumsy, “I don’t understand that this is a human child and I can’t drag it around like a baby Gorilla” way. But it could also have been looking at the child as property. Or it , more than likely, might not have made his mind up yet on what the hell he was dealing with.  Maybe something good…maybe something bad.  All the while , ADULTS, are screaming.  Did I mention animals are easily rattled?

Tranquilizer darts, in real life, don’t work instantly.  They take a few moments, sometime a few minutes.  What would you guess the disposition of that 400 pound gorilla would have been after getting shot with a dart?  Less than reasonable, perhaps?  less than reasonable, with a three year old human in front of it being the new variable between his normal afternoon and being shot with a dart. 

The Zoo officials had two choices. One, shot the Gorilla and save the kids life.  Two hope the Gorilla has also seen too many Disney movies and sings to the boy about how great the jungle is.  Did I mention the people who made the choice work at the zoo…and know a bit more about that particular Gorilla than you people on the internet who watched a 30 second clip?  They choose option one and the kid is alive. 

It is tragic, and sad, but sh*t happens.  It is not the result of bad parenting.

no…wait…there was some bad parenting. The Gorillas mother should have taught him to stay the hell away from the hairless pink monkeys.  The mothers of all the adults in the crowd should have taught them how to remain calm and not lose their minds and scream when there is a tense situation going on. And, the mothers of everyone who don’t understand why the Gorilla was shot should have taught them that movies and cartoons are not real life.

As for those of you who don’t have kids who are blaming the parents..just take a step back and realize you have no idea what you are talking about. Those of you who do have children, who are blaming the parents, take a step back and recall all the numerous times you have no idea where your child was….even for a split second.  That’s all it takes, a split second.   Where was your kid while you were on FB pointing a finger at some other parent who is likely still a nervous wreck from watching her child helpless in arms reach of a 400 pound animal?

These parents are not only raising their child, which is something many parents don’t bother to do…spending time with their child, which many parents don’t bother to do…but getting their kid out of the house, into fresh air to see some actual real animals instead of cartoon animals, which almost no parents bother to do.  The kid made a run for it, which almost all children do, and it went bad. Sometimes things go bad. Sometimes it is because you took your eyes off your kid for a minute or two, sometimes it’s because you are a horrible parent and your kid grows up to be a run of the mill a-hole, a dangerous a-hole, has a laundry  list of personality disorders based in lack of self esteem, a laundry  list of personality disorders based in an over inflated sense of self worth, ends up in jail, ends up an alcoholic,  ends up a drug addict, ends up hurting others, ends up hurting him/herself.  Being a parent is hard.  If all that happens to your kid is he wanders off at the zoo, you are doing pretty damn good.

It’s a shame about the Gorilla, but there wasn’t much choice.  Sometimes something bad happens, and there isn’t a good option.  Teach that to your kids, as long as you’re such a great parent.



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  1. Thank you. My husband (nor anyone else), sees this perspective. Suck as hard as it does, in my opinion, the zoo is sorta at fault (if anyone is-but that defies the definition of “accident”), for making the enclosed so easily breechable… and yes, kids get their little minds fixed on the craziest crap, and think they are immortal. I know, I was one once!

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