***some of you had trouble viewing this earlier, we fixed the code, should be fine now. Thanks for coming back. If you don’t feel like reading through the whole thing, here is the info on the sale –online store. Coupon code -fallcon- is good for 25% off ***
FIRST… a comic, then me lamenting my old age, then some updates, then info on the big sale
My birthday is this month, I’m getting old.
When your birthday comes around and you are young, there are milestones to make it less of a mark of time towards senility and the grave, and more of an event. Hey I can go to rated R-movies! Hey, I can vote now! hey, I can drink now!
Eventually thought…the few milestones that are left are just depressing. Hey, I am too old to get drafted! Which means even the Government doesn’t have any faith in your ability to run up a hill…even in the event that a war has reached such dire straights as to require them to draft people. Even in that dire situation the U.S. Government is going to give you a pass rather than risk anything on your old ass being able to be of any use in a physically challenging situation. Should Red China start landing wave after wave of communist solders on our shores, stretching the military to such a degree that all able bodied men must sign up for military service, YOU would more or less be told the best way you can help, is to stay out of the way. You are no longer “able bodied” in the eyes of the U.S. government.
Hey, my auto insurance is going down! Which means even the greedy insurance companies must admit that you no longer have the mental drive to care enough about anything to speed. You no longer have the urge or ambition to go out and party and possibly drive home drunk. Their own research and algorithms show that you are more likely to just take a nap.
Hey! nothing I like falls under NSFW. Your music, movies, anything that was edgy when you were young is now laughably tame by current social standards. Aside from a phrase or two like “jew rigging” that you never really realized was racist…will sneak under the radar as quaint.
After those the only milestone is when you can collect social security and sit around feeding birds in the park.
That leaves it up to you to figure out some way the birthday is a happy event…because if you choose to ignore it people may assume you are going senile and just forgot.
I suppose that leaves me with looking back on what I accomplished and what is coming up.
-Comedy Central’s TRIPTANK will once again feature a short cartoon written by me. So that’s pretty good. I don’t know which episode…but it has to astronauts and a Martian woman in it.
-Valiant Entertainment tapped me to do an alternative cover for Archer and Armstrong. It’s done, I can’t show it to you due to contract restraints, but it comes out in March. So, that’s good.
I’ll be making an all ages book in 2016. Don’t worry, it won’t be lame, it’s going to be good. I just have a really good story that isn’t despicable enough to go under the heading “Arsenic Lullaby”. And anyway, cutting edge stuff is supposed to be the providence of young people, you millennials ought to be ashamed of yourselves that my book is still kicking your asses as far as pushing the envelope. Some of you people are trying to get mileage out of drawing Jesus as a zombie or making fun of George W Bush (…he hasn’t been president for 7 F*CKING YEARS and it wasn’t “edgy” then.) If it doesn’t make the skin crawl of a middle aged white guy then you are doing it wrong. The only thing that makes my skin crawl about what passes for “edgy work” amongst this generation is how PC it all is. Grow some balls.
Anyways, that all ages book’ll be out in 2016 sometime, assuming I don’t die from some age related illness before then, or have a heart attack or whatever else happens to old people. I don’t feel old, I don’t look old, I haven’t gotten out of shape. But according to my birth certificate I am old. Perhaps, my genes are more evolved and age slower than normal humans.
Anyway…to help celebrate my birthday you can all help make some room in my office. I am having a big online sale. Coupon code -fallcon- is good for 25% off! I know a code titled -birthday- would make more sense, but I can’t figure out how to add new codes without help and -fallcon- is still in the system, so use that.
If I could drunkenly stumble through my office on my birthday without tripping over boxes of books, worrying about spilling something on valuable artwork, or falling into a box of poster tubes, that would be great.
HERE is some stuff you may want to grab…
There are TWO Arsenic Lullaby books available , thought there are not many left (just enough to be in my way every time I turn around). It’s just what was leftover from the run I made for convention season, they both have blank back covers so you can have me sketch on it…or have someone else sketch on it, whatever.
There are a few Voodoo Joe Silkscreened posters left, and a few “seconds”. that’s what you call the ones that have a small flaw, like maybe the cloud line and the white didn’t line up just right. You know me, I am real picky. I made up these posters for Comic-con International, but they never made it there. It is one of those items that online viewing just doesn’t do justice to (which is why I made them for the convention). Take my word on it though, this thing is cool. It’s 18×24 and striking as all hell in person.
info on the “second” version here
...there are a couple of the non-flawed ones left here
There are a bunch of prints.
and some Original Artwork! Make note of the ratio of artwork left compared to the 700 plus pages I have done over the course of my career that have already found new homes…get it while you can because it gets snatched up pretty quickly. And frankly , as clumsy as I am, it scares the crap out of me having it around. The variant cover is for sale, but it isn’t listed ( I cannot put an image of it online) contact me at douglaspasz -at- arseniclullabies.com.
I forget what else is on the store. There is a big box that is duck taped shut that sticks out of the shelf and jabs me right in the funny bone every morning. I think it has Cthulhu Silk screened posters in it maybe? That must be it, it’s too wide to be anything else.
That’s all for now.
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