walking dead spoiler march 1 2015

Through bastardization of quantum string theory and the mixing of several rare elements I have been able to intercept the broadcast of this weeks episode through a metal filling a full half and hour into the future.

Here is a synopsis of this weeks show.

Rick and his fellow travelers are allowed sanctuary in the new community.  Rick and Daryl make it clear that while they have no problem with their gay hosts lifestyle, they themselves are completely straight and off limits.

A few days into their stay both Rick and Daryl are still adamant that they should not be hit on…despite the fact that no one seems interested.  Later that day Dayrl is seen mowing his lawn in a cut off shirt, when that sparks no interest he pulls it way up to wipe sweat off his brow exposing his entire midriff.  This goes completely unnoticed by anyone other than Rick…who retaliates by washing his car in a white t-shirt and boxers.  He makes sure to get his shirt wet so it clings to his wiry frame.  Daryl makes a conspicuous verbal note that his jeans are torn and might as well be shorts. He disappears into his house and comes back out in daisy dukes.  This too peaks zero interest from any would be homosexual suitors…but provokes Rick into inviting one of his hosts over for drinks…getting really drunk and instigating an awkward and forced discussion about how , while he is not gay, does have some prurient curiosity.  His guest makes a fake cell phone noise, turns his back to Rick and pretends to have a brief conversation, explains to Rick that there is an emergency he has to attend to, and excuses himself.

The kid in the sheriffs hat , who has been watching all this asks Abe and his latio girlfriend to adopt him.  Michone also asks she be adopted by them since her and the kid are like brother and sister.  They agree and are now a family of one latio, one ginger, on white male, and one black female….the combination of this family living next to the asian guy and his girlfriend, and next door to a gay couple makes network executives mouths water.  Representatives from the three major networks get into a bidding war over what could be the most diverse, politically correct sitcom ever.

What could be an unbridled success is dead on arrival when the pilot episode is inexplicably named- the wetback, carrot top, spook, honky, uber queer variety show.  The term “uber’ having tested poorly with everyone but a small segment of hipsters, who spend very little cash and are therefor meaningless to advertisers, paints the entire concept as a red hearing.  Everyone involved is fired and blacklisted in perpetuity.  Only Rick and Daryl are able to get work after a cable exec sees them completely drunk, nude, crooning and holding bouquets under the gay couples window.  They are cast on the next season of naked and afraid.

this concludes our broadcast day.

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