We are proud to present the fourth of the four horsemen of the A.L. rantfest, comedian Josh Goguen. Josh is a comedian who has performed in NY, Philly, NC, and a bunch of other places. He is also helped produce the Arsenic Lullaby pilot cartoon, did voice acting, helped me write the pitch for Nickelodeon and is one of my go to guys when I can’t decide which way to go with a joke. He’s also a good looking fella, so good looking he sometimes gets mistaken for me, so all you ladies looking to get in my pants at a comic-con better figure out how to tell us apart because he’s married.
Let me start this by saying, I have always been a big fan of the Terminator movies.
Thanks to parents that didn’t seem to care about parenting, I not only watched the first Terminator when I was 8. I watched it repeatedly once it came to VHS….alone. I don’t know what my parents were doing.
When the Terminator 2 came out, I was 13. We’ve already established that my parents didn’t seem to have a clue as to what is and is not appropriate for a young person, so naturally I went opening night and I loved it. Again, I enjoyed multiple viewings on VHS.
Now, I’ll admit, I’ve never seen Terminator 3. I refused to because I’m not buying a chick being physically threatening. I don’t care if she is an advanced cybernetic blabity blah, it has tits and I’m not threatened by it.
I did see Terminator Salvation, and while it wasn’t great, I did enjoy it. Interestingly enough, the leaked on set rant from Christian Bale during the filming of this movie sums up how I feel about the entire series to this point:
“Oh, good for you. And how was it? I hope it was fucking good because it’s useless now, isn’t it?”
You see, all of the years of joy from Terminator movies has pretty much been ruined with the recent release of the new Terminator: Genesys (what a horrible title) trailer.
The big thing about the trailer is it basically tells me the entire first Terminator, a movie I loved as a young child (because my parents didn’t seem to have any idea what they were doing), didn’t really happen because now at the time the first movie took place, another terminator was already sent there to kill the first terminator but then a better terminator was sent because…well, because time travel is stupid.
Now, once I admit time travel is stupid, I am only be left with one thought on the entire Terminator franchise: Fuck John Conner.
Seriously, fuck him. Not only is this ego maniac’s adventures with time just pissing away valuable resources and risking the lives of the very few human beings left, he’s doing it for no reason. Think about it. If I told you a cybernetic organism was just sent back in time to prevent you from being born, wouldn’t your response have to be, “Well, I guess it didn’t work because I’m here.”?
That’s not how the great John Connor sees it. No, he’s too important to risk it, even though the guy isn’t yet a proven commodity. At the point he sends Kyle Reese and the other T-800s back to protect his mother and himself, the war between man and machines is still going on. Couldn’t he wait at least wait until AFTER he’s defeated Skynet to make sure his life is even worth saving? It seems rather presumptuous to me.
After watching the Genesys trailer, I’m out. I’m actually thinking it may be time to start rooting for the machines.