here are this weeks spoilers as the show airs…this page will be updated every 15 minutes!
8pm
the show has begun with the blonde daughter who no one cares about in the back of a full sized early model Cadillac, she is hysterical. The occupants are an elderly couple who were coming home from church when they found her. They are very confused and ask her what’s wrong. She explains everything that’s happened. They tell her to relax and that she must have been hallucinating or dreaming because none of what she says is reality. She shows the blood on here clothes from fighting “walkers” as evidence. They explain that the walkers and world coming to an end IS true, but he is not nor was she ever in a forest, she has been in a city the entire time, hallucinating it was a forest. “think about it” says the old man ” this would have to be the busiest F*CKING forest on earth! this forest is busier than walmart on the first of the month! You haven’t been able to stand in one spot for 10 minutes without running into another human or a pack of walkers…and if the walkers are attracted to noise…well, there’s one thing a forest is NOT and that is noisy…you are NOT in a forest…furthermore you are not in a Cadillac, who in their right mind would be driving a full-sized 20 year old Cadillac in a world that’s short on gas?!” She rubs her eyes and sees she IS in a city, and not in a Cadillac but on the back of a tiny motorcycle driving very slowly hanging onto a very fat man in a propeller cap, driving along side another fat man on a tiny motorcycle in a propeller cap, behind them a pack of walkers, for the next 15 minute we watch the slowest chase scene since O.J.
8:15
The entire group decides it needs a long-term plan. The kid in the sheriffs hat declares what they need is some soap! “we all smell like the back end of a raccoon living in a taco bell dumpster”. The scientist with the mullet informs them they can make soap of human fat…and even the walkers have some fat on them, and though it is a small amount…with enough walkers a considerable amount of soap can be made. It is voted on and agreed that they will start producing soap to sell to other survivors. The old broad is put in chargeof logistics, the broad with the samuri swoard and the guy with the crossbow are in charge of acquisitions and production, the sheriff is put in charge of marketing. in a rare tv crossover Don from Madmen wanders into their camp and offers his guidance. He oversees the production of a 4×4 plywood table and a “SOAP” sign…which is put at the crossroads of the railroad tracks and maned by the alcoholic guy.
8:30
Production is going along fine at the soap factory and Don decides it is time to give the product a name. He reminds them all that copyright laws are prettymuch unenforcable at this point at the following list of names are thought up.
hope soap
zest
Nintendo
anti raccoon ass
banzi
gleam
smell begone
odor away
irish spring
Don discards Irish spring, because when people think of Irish they think of drinking and booze and no one wants to smell like booze…or Irish people. After much discussion they vote and “hope soap” is the winner. The kid in the sheriffs hat throws a tantrum because he wanted “nintendo” and withdraws from the entire project.
8:45
soap sales are actually quite brisk, but since they have no credit card machine they are left to write peoples credit card numbers down on leaves with a bloody stick to be mailed to the CC companies at the end of the month.Other forms of payment being handed over so far- bottle caps, US currency, bibles, shoes, and the occasional car alarm remote. They are all kept in a box marked “revenue oct 2015”. Don proposes they take their business “public” and release stocks! the black lady with the samuri sword is against the idea “I ain’t dealin’ with no mtha f*cking board of shareholders. The guy with the crossbow notes that they will lose the “hipster” demographic if they are perceived as “big business” . Don deduces that they are against the idea because they are lazy and don’t want to have to keep up with increased shipping demands. He fires them both and banishes them both to the forest…they leave and secretly take pockets full of soap for later use.
8:59
While everyone is sleeping Don steals the shoe box of “revenue” and sneaks off into the night. He is picked up by a full sized Cadillac with two elderly people driving. He explains what happened they tell him he has been dreaming or hallucinating. He rubs his eyes and sees he is on the back of a tiny motorcycle behind a very fat man wearing a propeller hat…next to another tiny motorcycle being driven by a fat man in a propeller hat with a cute blonde on the back. The blonde asks who he is and what he is doing here. He says ” I’m making off with all the cash and a hot 20 year old because I’m Don F*cking Draper! and that’s how things work on AMC! and suggests to everyone that they start watching a show about winners, not a show about a bunch of losers too stupid to find a boat.
This concludes our broadcast day.