sex and the ancient world

still struggling to come up with a new cover.  In between throwing away Ideas I have been working on commissions, while various documentaries play in the background.  I started out with some sort of monsterquest type show with a couple of dopes trying to find a giant spider in the amazon.  They were looking for a spider big enough to carry away a dog from a local village.  They stumbled upon a hole in the ground out in the jungle nearby.  The hole was about the size of a tea plate.  Scientist no.1 says something like “that might be it’s nest”.  …science… Yeah, now I guess they are assuming a bunch of dirtpounders not only saw a four foot spider ( because y’know..they said they did, personally MY question would not have been “which way did it go?” but rather “where do I find the frogs you’ve been licking?”) but that they saw a a four foot spider that can change size.  I’m not a echiologist but I know you can’t fit a four foot spider into a six inch hole.

So after that youtube recommended “sex and the ancient world” the recommendation probably had something to do with me watching two guys poke at a damp hole in the previous video.

The first one was about some cave in ancient Egypt where they found dirty pictures of things being done to the queen, the anthropologists deduced it was a satirical  insult but were not sure what it stemmed from…oh I dunno…maybe it was the queen’s “horsewhip everyone into building giant stone monuments policy”. I don’t know a whole lot about ancient Egypt but I’m guessing that was pretty high on the list of things to complain about.  And I am guessing since they found no picture of Aliens taking it in the rear that we can cross of UFO’s as having anything to do with the construction of the pyramids.

So then I watched this one.

It’s about Pompeii and all the pictures, reliefs and statues of dicks in the ancient city.  I found it ironic foreshadowing that the place was destroyed by a volcanic ejaculation.   Then I listened closer.  There were dicks everywhere.  Dicks on the walls, dick wind chimes, dicks on pottery.  I bet it kinda took the magic out of the moment you drop your pants in front of your lady for the first time.  “oh look…a dick…does it hold wine? because the dick on that window sill is actually a wine flask.”

  Then I couldn’t help but picture in the ancient place that one of the dick artisans spent more time on his dick sculptures and drawings than the other dick makers.  Throwing away and starting over when his dick attempts didn’t meet his personal scrutiny.  No doubt one of them held himself to a higher standard and not any old cylindrical shape with two orbs on the end would do.  His phallic had to be just so…recognizable as better crafted than the rest and recognizable as his work.  He probably spent long hours of study and practice to be recognized as one of the best dick men within a two chariot distance.  And now a couple thousand years later…some British archeologist uncovers the fruit of his labors and goes “hey, here’s another sculpture of a dick” and off it goes to the British museum up on the shelf with all the other dick sculptures.

I hate my job.

Oh yeah, I drew this for a guy.  At least the commissions are turning out.  maybe I just need someone to commission a really great cover.

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