I've been pretty good about getting one of these emails out every 2 weeks.  Until the last two which only about 10% of you got because of a screw up with my server...more accurately the software update not communicating properly with the way the server is set up. In as much as I understand any of this.

Here's the thing with my website and everything that originates from it. It's old.  The Arsenic Lullaby website got put together on the fly like...20years ago. and as internet technology and bells and whistles and options arose...we slapped them on as best we could, never having the time to just restart from the ground up.

The best analogy is this...picture some middle eastern insurgency group, and they have the standard insurgency 2005 Toyota pick up truck. They use that to get around and it's fine for terrorizing small villages who don't even have paved roads, or sections of cities on the outskirts of civilization that look like a mad max movie in serpa-tone.

Not great, but good enough. It gets you and your insane, lunatic buddies from point A to point B with your flag for some terrorizin' of villagers who do not have the combined might of an ak47 and a Toyota.

 Then the CIA rolls in and gives you a bunch of stuff because you're a problem for some guy they don't like and the more trouble you cause the better. So, now your pick up has a heavy machine gun in the back, that was designed to be hanging out of a NATO attack helicopter not a Toyota.   No problem...you throw the f*cker in, stack some spare tires on the base plate so it don't fall over, and away you go...

Then the world situation changes again and Russia starts giving you their old crap and now you have a rocket system to weld in the back, and you don't know how to wire the sh*t up properly, and the tailgate is starting to sag. And neither the CIA or Russians bothered to send you anything useful like, spark plugs or one of those kits to clean the crud off your headlights so you can actually see at night...or maybe a new seat cushion to mitigate the jolt up your spine every time you hit a bump with a 1500 pound rocket system in the truck bed. And perish the thought that either one offered to send anyone who could give it a new paint job. 

and there you are rolling along. Half your sh*t was originally made for strafing a jungle in Nam, some of it was for shooting at dudes in Croatia. Your shock absorbers have about as much life left in them as Nicki Minaj's bed springs, and one more pothole is going to send the missile system falling backward out the tailgate along with your crew. Who will be strangled by all the extension cords that you have running from the cabin to the various hand me down weapons systems that you don't know how to use anyway...and can't use because there is so much crap in your pickup now that anyone who wants to ride in the back has to be draped over a mini gun or tow missile.

You recall to yourself the afternoon when the CIA gave you all this. They brought it in a nice tow-able trailer, dropped it off...saw that you only had a mid sized pick up truck...and then left, with the trailer. They couldn't have given you the trailer? Assh*les...No wonder the "bay of pigs" didn't work out.

You can't use the GPS and the laptop for the drone at the same time, because you only have one cigarette lighter outlet to plug anything into...

-"who unplugged the GPS?!"

--"we had to plug in the drone...we're flying the drone! Droooneee!!!"

-"F*ck the drone I don't know where we are...I can't even see out of this windshield. The CIA couldn't have given us some windshield wiper fluid? We're in the middle of the desert. You know what there is a lot of in the desert? DUST.  F*cking Americans."

A new battery would have been nice too. Because that 20 year old alternator can't keep up with all this bullsh*t. You can fire exactly one tow missile then you gotta go door to door and hope someone in the village you're oppressing has jumper cables. 

That's my website in a nutshell. A big rolling mess of crap I don't need, attached to crap I do need that doesn't work because of new crap that was added that is in the way.

 From time to time some fan will see something not working and say "I'm certified in (insert coding language here) I can fix that for ya!"  That "fix" ends up screwing up something else down the line, another fans sees that and "fixes" it...Fast forward to 2025, and there is computer code in there written in a language that they don't even teach anymore, trying to communicate with code that was designed to be proprietary and not communicate with anything. Half of the back end of this site in probably in hieroglyphics

Anyways...If you are reading this, we've sorted it out for now, but that's why the emails have been screwed up this month and I wasn't even able to send out the last ones to most of you. WHICH screwed up my whole plan for squeezing as much money out of you people as possible during the Xmas season.

It's too late now to get anything out to anyone in time to use as a Christmas present, but if you wanted to get something for yourself from the Arsenic Lullaby online store...

Anyways... I've got some ranting in the holster, Funko Pop looks like it's going out of business, and some genius anthropologists finally figured out that the Neanderthals could make fire (how many months ago did I do that blog pointing out, among other things, that you couldn't make those cave paintings without fire? f*cking idiots)...but it hardly seems like the time of year for any of that. I'll just post the Baron Von Donut Xmas story. and we'll reconvene next week.

*also, the Arsenic Lullaby Xmas bunker is HERE, in case you need a place to hide at some point this week*

BARON VON DONUT'S XMAS

 Protect your art from AI with  Glaze or Nightshade

 Protect your art from AI with  Glaze or Nightshade

 Protect your art from AI with  Glaze or Nightshade

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