{"id":16924,"date":"2019-01-03T22:46:40","date_gmt":"2019-01-04T04:46:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/?p=16924"},"modified":"2019-01-07T05:03:43","modified_gmt":"2019-01-07T11:03:43","slug":"lemme-tell-you-something-about-this-turtle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/?p=16924","title":{"rendered":"Lemme tell you something about this turtle"},"content":{"rendered":"

Maybe it\u2019s just my newsfeed\u2026but I keep seeing this guy.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

..he\u2019s usually accompanied by text and such about keeping our oceans clean and not polluting.<\/p>\n

Okay\u2026fine, great.\u00a0 Me, myself, personally, I don\u2019t give a crap if one second after I die there isn\u2019t a single drop of clean water, breathable air, or any fuel.\u00a0 But that\u2019s just me\u2026I don\u2019t care. I mean \u201cI don\u2019t care\u201d in the truest sense of the phrase, meaning if you all DO care and want to keep this place clean\u2026fine.\u00a0 I\u2019ll throw my garbage in the garbage can, recycle whatever..it\u2019s no big hardship. If everyone want the planet pollution free, you\u2019ll get no argument from me.<\/p>\n

BUT in regards to this mutherf*cker\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This mutherf*cking turtle, who when he was about the size of a soda can, managed to swim half way into a plastic ring the same size as him\u2026<\/p>\n

Stop and think about how f*cking big the ocean is\u2026and realize that this dipsh*t, who is smaller than a shoe-box managed to swim into a plastic six pack ring set. This is like driving a motorcycle in the middle of the Arizona desert in broad daylight and hitting a pine tree that someone threw away. This asshole had the ENTIRE ocean to swim in and managed to get stuck in a fucking 10\u00d76 piece of plastic.<\/p>\n

Actually, that looks like a freshwater turtle\u2026 I\u2019m not a marine biologist though.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just, for his sake, say he\u2019s freshwater and so was in a river or a lake.\u00a0 He STILL had like FOREVERS-WORTH of water to swim in without getting stuck in one of these things.\u00a0 F*ck..let\u2019s say he was in a bathtub. Let\u2019s say he was in a BUCKET.\u00a0 That\u2019d be like one of those games at the carnival you can\u2019t win.\u00a0 You could swish that bucket back and forth for an entire afternoon and not get the ring around the turtle.\u00a0 Somehow this mutherf*cker swam INTO a plastic ring, far enough so that it wouldn\u2019t come off\u2026stuck so well in place, that he ended up growing into turtle adulthood still stuck in it.<\/p>\n

I will tell you right now. This wasn\u2019t the plastic\u2019s fault.\u00a0 This little sh*tbag was f*cking around when he got himself stuck, I guarantee you that.\u00a0 Turtles can see and swim underwater well enough to catch food and avoid natural danger. They spend a lot of time underwater avoiding things or chasing things, and they don\u2019t do it carrying around a little stick to poke around in front of them like a blind guy.\u00a0 How does a turtle just accidentally swim into one of these? He doesn\u2019t, he was f*cking around.\u00a0 He is the turtle equivalent of this asshole\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Or this one\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Or this dumbass<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

same, same\u2026.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The amazing thing to me is this asshole managed to live long enough to become deformed by the plastic.\u00a0 Because make no mistake, even by turtle standards this is a dumb\u2026asshole.\u00a0 That plastic might have actually saved his life because, encumbered as he was, he was unable to swim into even dumber and more dangerous situations.<\/p>\n

If he didn\u2019t fuck around and get stuck in this, he would have been fucking around and got his head stuck in some driftwood, or been showing off and got to close too an alligator.<\/p>\n

And this entanglement happened in water, let me remind you\u2026Where everything is floating and drifting.\u00a0 So, you\u2019d have to REALLY be trying, to manage to swim into something that\u2019s only a little wider than you, when that thing is really light weight.\u00a0 This had to take some effort.\u00a0 This is a thing you have to think over\u2026back up\u2026eyeball the distance a bit\u2026<\/p>\n

This was the turtle equivalent of this actually<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

same thing<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Fuck this turtle, he got what he deserved, I hope he\u2019s dead.\u00a0 I hope he died before having any children and littering the turtle gene pool.<\/p>\n

And no this isn\u2019t going to be a story in an issue of Arsenic Lullaby, because the only thing he deserves to have written about him is an obituary.<\/p>\n

What a f*cking idiot.<\/p>\n

_____________________________________________________<\/p>\n

When Douglas is not complaining, he and his work can be found here<\/em><\/p>\n

www.arseniclullabies.com<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Have friends who might like Arsenic Lullaby?\u2026tell them to sign up for the Arsenic Lullaby Email <\/span> HERE<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0 Thanks in advance.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maybe it\u2019s just my newsfeed\u2026but I keep seeing this guy. ..he\u2019s usually accompanied by text and such about keeping our oceans clean and not polluting. Okay\u2026fine, great.\u00a0 Me, myself, personally, I don\u2019t give a crap if one second after I die there isn\u2019t a single drop of clean water, breathable\u2026 Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16924"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16924"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16924\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16975,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16924\/revisions\/16975"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}