{"id":15528,"date":"2017-11-09T12:31:57","date_gmt":"2017-11-09T18:31:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/?p=15528"},"modified":"2017-11-20T18:13:44","modified_gmt":"2017-11-21T00:13:44","slug":"stranger-things-2-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/?p=15528","title":{"rendered":"Stranger Things 2 review"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Stranger Things 2 review<\/strong><\/p>\n

*massive spoilers and possible vulgar language*<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

While waiting impatiently for Netflix to release The Punisher, I watched Stranger Things 2 because\u2026eh, why not.<\/p>\n

It took me about three days to get through it, not because it was awful, I can power my way through awful shows, because I just have them on in the background while I work. It was the nostalgia that kept upending me. \u00a0I\u2019d see the car chase in episode one with the old square cop cars like in The Blues Brothers and think \u201cwow, The Blues Brothers was a great movie\u201d\u2026then I\u2019d watch the Blues Brothers instead. \u00a0This happened a bunch of times.\u00a0 This nostalgia thing they were going for, it’s a double edged sword. You better really be sure you are at least as good as what you are getting people to recall.\u00a0 Otherwise it’s like trying to get someone to sleep with you yet constantly bringing up someone else they could sleep with who’s hotter than you are.\u00a0 After stopping to watch Ghostbusters, The Last Starfighter, Aliens, Weird Science and Goonies, I finally forced myself to stay put and watch ST2.<\/p>\n

Most of the world has seen this and the general consensus is that Bob was somehow the hero\u2026or at least A hero. \u00a0Did everyone watch a different show than I did? I\u2019ll admit I fell asleep during a few parts, but are you shitting me? Fuck Bob. \u00a0What good was Bob?! \u00a0Lets start at the end and work our way back, he got killed because he was too stupid to remember to bring his gun with him, after risking his life to reset a computer that didn\u2019t need to be reset. \u00a0\u201cHe needed to do that to open the door!\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 Really? Why? THE DOOR WAS GLASS! \u00a0THE DOOR\u2026WAS\u2026FUCKING GLASS! Just…break the glass and go home.\u00a0 The gate didn\u2019t NEED to get opened, because they didn’t know the kids where outside trying to get into the gate, and the kids were just trying to get in…to get the others out.\u00a0 IF YOU JUST BREAK THE GLASS AND LEAVE THE KIDS DON’T HAVE TO GET IN, IN THE FIRST PLACE.\u00a0 And sheriff what\u2019s his name\u2019s truck was inside the gates…not outside. \u00a0So what the fuck good was his heroic reboot of a computer to open a glass door and a gate that isn\u2019t blocking the car?! \u00a0And don\u2019t give me any bullshit about the gate being in the way\u2026because we have seen smaller vehicles plow through larger gates on t.v. shows way more grounded in reality than this sci-fi clusterf*ck.<\/p>\n

\u201coh but he deciphered a map!\u201d<\/em> yeah\u2026a map THEY DIDN\u2019T NEED! Where did they all end up? Hmmm? Where? THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT BUILDING THAT ALL THIS SHIT STARTED AT IN THE FIRST PLACE. \u00a0You needed a map for that? \u00a0You didn’t need a map, to talk to the possessed kid, or have any clues whatsoever.\u00a0 If you were just some guy living in that town and saw some screwy shit going on, you’d think to yourself “I bet it’s that weird government lab place doing some bullshit again”.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know the kids were going to light some big fire in the tunnels as a distraction, and for that matter they could have lit that fire anywhere in the tunnels, really.\u00a0 They didn’t need that map deciphered..at all.<\/p>\n

Fuck Bob, the gates, doors, and map. \u00a0As i said, I might have drifted off during some parts, but what the hell was Bob doing in the government building anyhow?! He doesn’t have any security clearance, he’s not the kids father, or immediate family, or even useful…he’s just some guy porking the kids mom.\u00a0 That’s enough to get you into a government lab?!\u00a0 fuck…I’m gonna go on a tour. (…I’m giving Bob the benefit of the doubt that he actually got in her pants.) And I\u2019ll gloss over his advice to the kid about standing up to the bad guy in his dream turning out to be a bad idea because it didn\u2019t work\u2026because it was ASSINIE IDEA, for THIS reason- In order for that advice to work it has to A-actually be an actual dream (to be fare, Bob didn\u2019t have reason to think otherwise, more on that in a minute) and B- a LUCID dream. \u00a0A lucid dream is one where you realize you are in a dream. \u00a0In order for Bob\u2019s advice to help, the kid would have to be in a lucid dream\u2026IF YOU ARE IN A LUCID DREAM YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CAN IMAGINE! The kid could turn himself into a three thousand foot tall air filtration system and suck the fucking smoke monster into an air filter, then turn into a 4 thousand foot tall dragon and fly away to an Island full of naked cheerleaders\u2026.fucking Bob\u2019s advice is to say \u201cgo away\u201d\u2026You\u2019re a schmuck Bob. Bob couldn\u2019t die FAST enough for me.<\/p>\n

I spend most of the series hoping to see Bob die. And I was richly rewarded.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0YES! I cried when the plant dog things chewed him to bits!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Yes!!!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Finally! good riddance!<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t look at me like that\u2026it was better this way. Better for Bob most of all. \u00a0You think there was a happy ending there for Bob? \u00a0What world are you living in?! \u00a0You think that chaotic mess Winnona Ryder was playing was going to end up doing anything besides breaking his heart, ruining his life, and draining his bank account?! \u00a0Grow up. \u00a0If you\u2019re in your twenties\u2026fine, you haven\u2019t seen as many patterns in human nature as someone middle aged. If you are middle aged\u2026think about every chaotic mess you\u2019ve ever seen and what they do to stable partners. \u00a0Go ahead\u2026think. \u00a0Chaotic messes need chaos like alcoholics need a drink. And if there is no chaos, they create it. \u00a0That is the cold hard facts of life and you can ask a therapist if you don\u2019t believe me. \u00a0\u201cOh, but not ALWAYS\u201d<\/em>.\u00a0 Uh huh, forget the theory of no absolutes and just think about what you have watched go on in actual life and you\u2019ll say- “okay, I guess always”<\/em>, BUT let\u2019s say there is some rare case that no therapist has ever seen where the chaotic mess tries really really hard and gets their shit together and becomes comfortable with stability\u2026this was not going to be the case with Bob because the bitch was already lying to him. \u00a0About the DREAMS. She neglected to tell well meaning, good guy Bob that you all love so much, that HER KID GOT SUCKED INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION\u2026 That\u2019s not a tiny thing to hold back if you\u2019re already talking about moving away together. \u00a0That\u2019s not just slipping a fast one by him like her kids going to need really expensive braces soon\u2026HER KID GOT SUCKED INTO ANOTHER DIMENISON, AND MIGHT BE SEEING ACTUAL MONSTERS\u2026AND SHE DIDN\u2019T BRING IT UP.<\/p>\n

\u00a0If she actually gave a rats ass about Bob, she probably would have mentioned that being around her and her child meant that his life may be in danger from monsters from a parallel dimension. Yes, this isn’t something to bring up on the first date, but if the guy’s talking about moving you all to another state…that’s a good time to bring that up, or maybe the first time you let him take the kid to school alone. She wasn\u2019t serious about this guy, he was stable and okay for now\u2026and that\u2019s about it. And poor Bob, based on his imaginationless plan for how the kid should deal with a lucid dream, wasn\u2019t even getting the benefit of all sorts of weird sex, which is the only plus of dating someone chaotic. \u00a0Now that I think about it…he owned a video camera…he’s dating a chaotic mess who will probably do ANYTHING he throws out there. Like, I don’t get the impression you’d even have to ask her twice, she’d just be on board right off…and he used the video camera to record…the kids trick or treating.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m glad he died.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what the fuck the sheriffs plan was with 11. \u00a0He was just going to keep her in that cabin until\u2026when? \u00a0And I\u2019m even more baffled at the end when he gets a fake birth certificate for her from the government guy and the guy says \u201cgive it a year before you let her out in public\u201d (I\u2019m paraphrasing). \u00a0What difference does a year make? \u00a0In a year people won\u2019t notice that out of the clear blue sky he has a 14 year old daughter?! \u00a0What ever hair brained explanation they have won\u2019t be any more or less hair brained in a year, right?\u00a0 And I have news for you Mr.Sheriff, you have as much of a chance of keeping 11 and what’s his name away from each other as Bob did of living happily ever after.\u00a0 Two puberty ravaged teens who just had their first kiss and live in a small town…yeah good f*cking luck keeping her in the cabin waiting for you to arrive with waffles and a secret knock.\u00a0 She’s going to be spending half her time trying to use her psychic powers to give herself abortions.<\/p>\n

Anyhow, overall, I\u2019d say\u2026.It was good. (shrug). \u00a0It was worth a watching. \u00a0Look, to me there is Deadwood and then everything else. \u00a0So, It was entertaining enough.\u00a0 I don’t give it real high marks because there was no real degree of difficulty. Looking at it as a writer\u2026they sure had a lot of tools to play with-\u00a0Monsters, a parallel dimension, nostalgia, kids in peril, teenage romance. \u00a0\u00a0It would have been pretty damn hard to not make all that entertaining. \u00a0It\u2019s not like Seahunt.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I watch Seahunt from time to time when I think I have a tough writing problem in front of me. Those poor bastards had to write a half hour adventure show every week about a scuba diving instructor. \u00a0Can you imagine?! \u00a0Every f*cking week you have to come up with some reason a Scuba instructor fights crime\u2026under water! \u00a0How the fuck they came up with more than two premises for why someone would end up fighting a criminal underwater at all is beyond me, much less a guy who\u2019s just supposed to be teaching people how to scuba dive. He wasn’t a private eye or part of the coast guard. Plus, this was the age of black and white wholesome TV. \u00a0They couldn\u2019t Baywatch it up and have a bunch of semi-soft core porn shots of twenty years olds in dental floss bikinis to get you to forget how stupid it all was\u2026they had Lloyd Bridges and women in swim suits where the bottom part covered their belly button. Think I’m kidding?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Hey! Keep your hands to yourself, you two…this is prime time!<\/p>\n

Talk about no place to run and nowhere to hide with a writing job. \u00a0But they did it\u2026somehow, every week he ended up in a underwater struggle for some reason. For THREE SEASONS.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0Not that the action was much to fall back on…two guys fighting underwater is a very slow event. Those writers deserve every award ever made.<\/p>\n

So to recap, Stranger Things 2 was good, but not as good as Sea Hunt.<\/p>\n

_________________________________________<\/p>\n

When Douglas is not complaining, he and his work can be found here \u00a0\u00a0<\/em> www.arseniclullabies.com\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

DON’T MISS OUT ON FUTURE BLOGS, RANT, SNEAK PREVIEWS!\u00a0 get them sent right to your inbox by signing up for the email updates HERE<\/strong><\/a> <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 Stranger Things 2 review *massive spoilers and possible vulgar language* While waiting impatiently for Netflix to release The Punisher, I watched Stranger Things 2 because\u2026eh, why not. It took me about three days to get through it, not because it was awful, I can power my way through awful\u2026 Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-life-and-times-of-your-hero"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2ee9g-42s","jetpack_featured_media_url":"","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15528"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15528\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}