Here\u2019s the headline from a recent article I\u2019d like to address written by the Ex-Wife of Joss Whedon (maker of the Avengers, Firefly and stuff like that) because it is a teachable moment.\u00a0 Not so much about if Whedon is a bag of sh*t, I couldn’t care less.\u00a0 It’s a different lesson.<\/p>\n
Joss Whedon Is a \u2018Hypocrite Preaching Feminist Ideals,\u2019 Ex-Wife Kai Cole Says<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n Ah…to be able to see ourselves as the world see us, I\u2019m glad I can\u2019t. \u00a0Lady, let me do you a favor and explain that to anyone who\u2019s been through a divorce or knows someone who has…this headline might as well have been \u201cI am in the acceptance of loss stage known as anger\u201d. \u00a0I know your ex husband writes stuff for young people, but this article is going to be read by a lot of grown ups, who live in the grown up word and have lead grown up lives. \u00a0And frankly…it\u2019s not making us loath him in as much as feeling bad for you, and hoping you get better\/hoping you go away until you do.<\/p>\n This quote here sums up the disconnect in one line-<\/p>\n I don\u2019t think it is fair to me or other women to remain silent any longer.<\/i><\/p>\n As if she\u2019s the first person to ever get cheated on, or that anyone is going to be surprised that some guy in Hollywood cheated on his wife, and as if we are supposed to accept\/believe that this hit piece is some brave selfless act and not a hurt filled attempt at some payback. \u00a0Give us a break huh? We\u2019re not stupid out here.\u00a0 You’re hoping we see him differently, but all I see is hurt and anger. This should have been emailed to your best friend or your therapist, not paraded out as some attempt to purify the feminist cause.<\/p>\n What value to anyone but you, for the sake of cathodicy, is your rant? Is this a warning that some people don\u2019t hold true to their marriage vows? Hold on, let me pick myself up off the floor…or am I maybe supposed to \u00a0know this in case he want\u2019s to date my daughter?<\/p>\n …You want us all to think Whedon is a dreadful human being, maybe he is, I\u2019d be willing to believe it. But the end result of your rant here, is us grown ups thinking you are a pretty dreadful human being yourself, for airing out your dirty laundry to the whole world, and for quoting private personal conversations and for minimizing what \u201cfeminism\u201d is. \u00a0Quotes, by the way, some of which not from emails or anything written down, but from memory of what he said…months or years earlier…you think maybe those aren\u2019t completely accurate quotes…but perhaps, at best, remembered in such a way as to put him in a bad light because you\u2019re really hurt right now?<\/p>\n The whole article is here<\/a><\/p>\n The jist \u00a0of it is, Whedon isn\u2019t a feminist because he cheated on her a bunch of times.\u00a0 The list of feminists who have cheated on their partners is probably as long as the great wall of china, and one thing has nothing to do with the other. \u00a0He claims to be a feminist. Him claiming to be a feminist and NOT hiring women and giving them lead roles would make him a hypocrite, but in fact he HAS hired many women and given them lead roles. \u00a0So…he\u2019s a feminist who cheated on his wife, that\u2019s different than a hypocrite, get it? See, feminism is a big picture thing…a cause…he hasn\u2019t failed the cause, he just failed you. Whoopie Goldberg cheated, are your telling us she\u2019s not a feminist?! What about a Lesbian feminist who cheats on her partner?<\/p>\n She didn’t recount any tales of Whedon being unfair in casting, or salary. No tales of the women he slept with being goaded into doing so to get a role, nuthin.\u00a0 The soul reason she give for us to question his feminism is him cheating on her…with other women…who knew he was married.<\/p>\n Look, I’m a guy, if the feminists want to eat their own it’s no harm to me, but overlooking his career’s worth of giving women major roles shouldn’t be overshadowed by his personal life.\u00a0 On a side note, As far as examples of how guys ruin marriages go…this is about as good as it gets and it drops into way way worse in a hurry.<\/p>\n So, there was all that, the \u201che was shitty to me therefor he doesn\u2019t believe in something\u201d but that\u2019s not the lesson to be learned. \u00a0The whole thing is just a long jilted lovers side of a relationship, seriously\u2026.that\u2019s what it is, it\u2019s a telling us how it all went down from the first meeting in 1991 til today with all the dirty laundry she could muster.\u00a0 Aside from her occasionally mentioning feminism to remind us that is her alleged reason for all of this information we didn’t need, it’s one long recount\u00a0 of a marriage that got destroyed with lot\u2019s of stuff like this sprinkled in\u2026<\/p>\n I was with him when his \u201cBuffy the Vampire Slayer\u201d script was adapted, and the resulting movie released. It was painful to see how his vision was interpreted by the production team and on our honeymoon to England in 1995, I urged him to figure out how to turn it into a TV show. He didn\u2019t want to work in television anymore, following in his father\u2019s and grandfather\u2019s footsteps, but I convinced him it was the fastest way to get the experience he needed, so he could direct his own films someday. I had no idea, in that lovely garden in Bath, that it would change everything.<\/i><\/p>\n and this…<\/p>\n I was a powerful influence on the career choices Joss made during the 20 years we were together (we lived together for four years before marrying). I kept him grounded, and helped him find the quickest way to the success he so deeply craved. I loved him. And in return, he lied to me. <\/i><\/p>\n I don’t know how much influence she had, but it’s obvious she didn’t help with the writing…that was about as subtle as a kick in the balls. Maybe she helped his career, I’d be willing to believe she did. That’s what marriage is, you help each other, but how does that make this rant a help\u00a0 to “all women” or “feminism” in general?\u00a0 Maybe as a warning that things could go south and your spouse could reap the larger share of the reward?\u00a0 Uh…that’s not a news flash to anyone over five years old.<\/p>\n There is also a whole lot of psychoanalyzing of Whedon, not by a licensed psychologist, but by an angry hurt ex-wife.<\/p>\n Look lady…my heart goes out to you, it does. I’m sure this hurts like hell, I know divorce hurts like hell, but this article was a bad idea and ain’t coming across like you think.\u00a0We grown ups have seen all this before. \u00a0We\u2019ve seen marriages end…and end WAY worse than yours did. We\u2019ve had friends and relatives cry on our shoulders saying things to us similar to your tale, and we\u2019ve listened and nodded our heads, knowing full well that having seen the whole relationship from the start ourselves…that we are hearing a very lopsided view coming from someone who is very hurt. \u00a0We\u2019ve even perhaps been that person giving a lopsided view, only to realize months later how lopsided our thinking was because of the hurt. \u00a0The difference was they and we, didn’t try to heal by telling the whole world the sordid details, post personal conversations and trying to ruin someones career.<\/p>\n The guy cheated on you and ruined the marriage.\u00a0 It happens quite often and when you are talking to us about someone in Hollywood, the shock would be if you told us he DIDN\u2019T cheat on you. \u00a0You think your sad tale is going to even leave a dent? \u00a0CHARLIE SHEEN BEAT UP A HOOKER, and five months later he was performing to sellout crowds.\u00a0 Roman Polanski won’t even come into the U.S. because he’s wanted for sexual assault of a 13 year old, that hasn’t stopped anyone from watching “Rosemary’s baby” or giving him awards for “the pianist”. Whedon cheated on his wife…he’s is from Hollywood…we expect the worse, we accept the worse, we don\u2019t care. If you wanted to hurt they guy you should have leaked a script or told us that he\u2019s going to kill off Iron Man\u2026because us grown ups in grown up land…that\u2019s as much as the world gives a damn about Whedon.<\/p>\n We have our own problems, our friends and families have their own problems. \u00a0And as an escape from those problems we see movies and watch t.v. shows. Movies and shows that sometimes are made by dreadful human beings. \u00a0We ignore that because sometimes human beings are dreadful. We know dreadful human beings, we work with dreadful human beings. Somewhere out there a plumber is stuck working with another plumber who is a dreadful human being…but is a really good plumber. That\u2019s life in grown up land.<\/p>\n “I want the people who worship him to know he is human”<\/em><\/p>\n No…you want us to think he’s a bag of sh*t, just like you think he’s a bag of sh*t”. \u00a0 No one could sum up your rant and come to the conclusion that you just want us to think he’s “human”. and by the way, we don’t “worship” him, we just want to see Captain America hit someone with his shield.<\/p>\n Let’s say everything said was true, even though someone’s very recently divorced ex-wife (or ex husband) is a…less than fantastic source as a character witness. Whedon has and is doing good for women in Hollywood and you telling us all that he isn\u2019t just because he failed you, makes you look like a narcissist. You want me to list all the people who were important to their cause even they were bags of sh*t in their personal lives? I can\u2019t, it\u2019d take FOREVER.<\/p>\n Shall I list some plumbers who are good plumbers even though they cheated? \u00a0If your toilet was overflowing would you give a damn if the guy who was going to stop human feces from spilling out into your living room was unfaithful at some point in his life? No…and we don\u2019t give a rats ass if the guy who wrote the Avengers was. \u00a0He makes popcorn movies about comic book super heroes, half the people didn\u2019t have any clue as to whether or not he claimed to be a feminist in the first place until you started yapping.<\/p>\n If feminism is the motivation for your article, I ask you, is it better for feminism if Whedon makes a Scarlet Witch movie or we get Transformers 8?<\/p>\n You have taught a valuable lesson though. None of us see ourselves precisely as the world sees us, and the more emotional we are the more there is a difference in that seeing.\u00a0 You meant for this to make Whedon look bad, and it does…but the larger take away is that you are hurt and angry and handling it in a monumentally sleazy way.\u00a0 That is very human, we are often at our worst when we are emotional.\u00a0 So at emotional times, go to your friends and family NOT THE INTERNET.<\/strong><\/p>\n That’s not a lesson I’d think we would need to still be learning in 2017, but it is.\u00a0 Because months, or maybe a year from now, when the pain has subsided…she’s going to regret having written this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Here\u2019s the headline from a recent article I\u2019d like to address written by the Ex-Wife of Joss Whedon (maker of the Avengers, Firefly and stuff like that) because it is a teachable moment.\u00a0 Not so much about if Whedon is a bag of sh*t, I couldn’t care less.\u00a0 It’s a\u2026 Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15216,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15213"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15213"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15213\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/15216"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15213"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/arseniclullabies.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}