No, actually you don’t understand misogyny, that’s why everything I was doing was lost on you

On November 1, 2016 by admin

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I don’t understand? No. you don’t understand…you missed a lot actually, because you seem to need things spelled out for you.

When I wrote the previous blogs rebuking the notion that there is a level of misogyny that ONLY exists in the comic book fans,  (I capitalized and made bold the word ONLY, because even though I mentioned over and over, that was the notion in question…some illiterate numbskulls still read it as me saying there was NONE. Now, I’ll admit my blogs are often riddled with typos, but that point was still pretty obvious.), while many of you spotted what I was doing in the blogs right off, there was a cross section (easily spotted by their lack of ability to notice the word “only) who really need an education on things.

Those of you who are regulars to my blogs know I use a lot of bravado and bull in a china shop type behavior when addressing things, but the trick is, I never actually broach a subject unless I happen to know a whole lot about it.

To the cross section, who’s argument was that I don’t understand the issue, listen up, this is a good teachable moment.  I have a nice solid reputation for being a jerk, it’s good for a lot of great gags.  I am going to step out of it for a moment, to show you the difference between dealing with an issue and not actually dealing with an issue.

Crowd around now…good…everyone who has volunteered at a woman’s shelter, raise your hand….and raise your hand if you’ve volunteered to help young adults struggling with depression…no one? …Just me?  but…you all know more than me, how is that possible?  Actually, I do know a bit about misogyny, and harassment, online and in real life and how one can lead into the  other.  I know more than I wish I did.

what do you know? and what have you done about it? Fighting for and against things does not stop, or really even begin, at typing into a computer.  That is circle jerking.  That is you, putting no more effort into improving the world in which you live than they guy who posts a review on Yelp.

Period.

Try typing into your computer and finding places in your area that need volunteers, there is no shortage of them. It actually helps, and you learn a lot.  You can fill the entirety of your idle time actually helping someone…if you want to.  

You can disagree with my opinions all day long, you call me whatever you want, what do i care?  the more people think I’m a lowlife…the better it actually works out for me.  But it isn’t doing jack squat for you or jack squat about the things you claim to care about.

Cain said in her response that she hasn’t had to deal with this before…that much is clear, based on the continually counter productive way in which she choose to deal with it.  I don’t blame her, but it did bother me because it could have been a teachable moment for other women on how to decry and blunt that behavior without fanning the flames.  It bothered me a lot. A woman ,with a sizable following like her, giving a textbook example of how to deal with something like this could have been priceless.

Make no mistake, there is MORE than misogyny at work here. (see I capitalized that so you don’t run off and say I claimed it didn’t play any role, and miss out on an important point) There are plenty of misogynists that don’t bother to go online and make sh*tty comments.  This is also a person seeking out attention in a warped, sick way.  You can A-ignore it and starve that behavior with lack of  attention B- use it to educate people C- give that person attention unintentionally rewarding his warped behavior and create a giant mess.  I didn’t see anyone being educated and it wasn’t ignored…

I will tell you that claiming misogyny is inherent in a particular hobby, is not only wrong ( It is wrong, a-holes. Thinking that, is to live in a world where things happen in a vacuum.  Every misogynist who reads comics exists even when he is not reading them. Existing at a school, existing at a job, ect. And to think more of them just became attracted to this hobby is to not understand where root of the mentality stems from, and it is also to think that the root of it would attract them in mass to a hobby but not in mass to a job, or field of study. ), it is unfair and insulting, but the larger problem is it is also incredibly counter productive. That is if you want to actually curb the behavior.  Because, what are you all going on about the last week or so? (as long as you are too thick skulled to see the finesse I use to make a point and I have to spell it out for you)  You’re going on who’s a misogynists, about comics fans…you’re going on about this hobby and it having a problem.  You’re failing to define the problem,  you’re failing to educate as to what is and what is not acceptable, what is and is not crossing the line. What is and is and is not a comment that should be viewed as a possible opening salvo of something worse and/or dangerous.  Thus exposing such to the light of day for all to know and see when it pops up again in the future.

You, in your wisdom gave attention to the aggressor, (rewarding them with the attention they long for and choose aggression to get) and acted as though it was inherent in a hobby and is not a percentage of society.  And you gave power to the aggressors by declaring that ALL the negative comments were misogynistic, and rooted in that and none could have been a by product of a raucous social media platform or rooted in other things …Thus allowing them to feel as thought they have greater numbers, rather than continually asserting that it is a few insignificant stragglers. Thus making them feel alone and less powerful.   You focused attention on the aggressor, instead of giving the attention to the target of their aggression, and countering it with the opposite message.  See…the opposite message of “women are bad” is not “you are bad”, it is “women are good”. I wasn’t just pulling words out of my butt, when I gave praise and attention to an industry for good behavior and pointed out examples of women who earned attention and declared the aggressors to be few and insignificant.

Now, there is a school of thought that you don’t want people who are the victim of abuse to feel like they are all alone or the only one dealing with abuse.  But that’s a double edged sword and you have to be careful how you handle that publicly, since certain kinds of abuse are done out of a sick need for attention. If you go that route then you need to be educating on what the line not to be crossed is, and what the red flags are.  Cain, had the perfect opportunity to do that but didn’t. She hasn’t had to deal with this before…fine…it would have been better, since she had such a stage, to research and learn what is recommended by professionals and become an example.  That’s not an insult, I am simply pointing out that, that would have been very helpful for many people.

 I guess all the tactics I choose to use addressing the issue were too subtle, next time I’ll just title it “Women good” and do nothing but repeat that for three pages, rather than try to intermingle it with other insights, trivia, and comedic rebuke. 

I’ll admit going on about Twitter was a bit off message, but I did think there was value in pointing out that some sections of the internet are safer than others and if someplace is unsafe, you don’t have to go there.  If you view twitter as a place, like I do, it was a important thing to point out.  If you view it as a hobby…then I guess we can agree to disagree.  To me it is a venue, you go on it and exhibit a behavior (typing comments/express opinion) much like other online venues, but twitter in an of itself is unique from FB because you can be completely anonymous (FB makes considerable effort to do what it can to make people verify who they are)…and since some of you are completely oblivious to human nature and the world around you, people act worse when they can be anonymous.  To say that behavior on twitter is not inherently worse than other places is no not understand the world you are living in.  And I felt it valuable for the a-holes , when they saw a seemingly like minded person, to instead view them as people who don’t actually agree, but are just being caught up in twitter. I just did my best to pick my poison as far as that goes.

But…for f*cks sake, how many times did I say “ask the comic book fans, you think are misogynistic, for more examples”…what, did I have to do? put in bold print COMBAT AN ATTITUDE THAT WOMEN DON’T BELONG IN COMICS BY EMPOWERING WOMEN BY LISTING GREAT WORK BY WOMEN…I mean….what the absolute f*ck?!  This isn’t complicated stuff.  It isn’t.  It’s textbook sh*t.  A lot of people got that and did so…I am face-palming at the others.   I employed tactics to neuter the problem as best I could, while trying to layer the tactics in with a lot of other insight on other things, while still retaining my persona and making things entertaining… I handed you the ball and you kicked it into the stands…?  We could have been filling the internet with discussions of great female comic book illustrators, but instead…

I type out that they are just a few insignificant creeps and you jump up and tell them ” NO! THEY ARE VERY SIGNIFICANT!  THEY ARE MANY!”  Do you want to demoralize them or empower them? Do you want to nip this sh*t in the bud or do you want to feel good about yourself?

The actions of the a-holes causing Cain to take her twitter page down, and an industry being viewed through a jaundice eye and the entire circus that went on…do you think that will encourage or discourage more of the same behavior? hmm?  Those A-holes could not have been given a more glorious week. and I saw not one single person being educated on how to deal with this type thing in the future, nor did I see anyone (besides me) using the opportunity to point the spotlight on how valuable the contribution from women to the industry were. i.e. actually doing any good. That is whhat you all claim you’re trying to do when raising the issue…do some good, raise some awareness? Yet you somehow managed to avoid educating anyone or shedding light on why a claim that women shouldn’t work on comics is absurd.  I got to hand it to you…you really stayed on message- “misogyny is bad” wow that’s real helpful.

Let me walk you through this real slow…a bad person seeks attention through aggression and makes a derogatory comments about women.  Do you A-have a bunch of people give him attention and the excitement of having the whole thread and page and comic book internet be about his actions, while inexplicably not educating anyone about where the line that should not be crossed is, how to properly deal with this, or what red flags to look for? or  B-give him no attention and instead focus souly on other….

You know what? F*ck it, this is a waste of my time.  the majority of you got it right away, and the few that didn’t are probably hopeless. At this point I’m doing the opposite of my own advice in dealing with a less formidable problem.

It’s good that it got shared a lot and some of those with a misogynistic mentality would have read it and been dis-empowered and had to read on and on about women’s achievements…but it was neutered in the cases where people responded to it with re-empowering those of a misogynistic mentality.

Even in your vapid, nigh effortless response to the problem some of you went down a …counter productive road.  But maybe one day you’ll do some actual thing for the things you claim to care about and become a little wiser. Maybe once you actually do something, you’ll actually care instead of just online care, and then maybe you’ll bother to learn how to actually change things so you are prepared when something that needs changing pops up, rather than just knee jerk react to it and pat yourself on the back. I could go on at greater length about the mentality and schools of thought on the do’s and dont’s when encountering such forms of aggression…but I suspect you are already rationalizing rather than learning.

Because hey, what do I know about feeding into/dealing with abuse.  I’m just a dumb guy with a penis over here.

So…type away at the things you see wrong with the world.  I’m sure all the people out there who actually need help are really impressed.

Do as you will, I am going to settle back in now, to being the lowlife jerk everyone knows and loves, and hope the people who claim to be so good, actually start doing some good and I won’t again feel obligated to try to provide an example. …and we’ll never speak of this again.

***update- some of you seem to be confused on what my actual opinion is, given the tone of the first blogs and the tone of this one.  Which did I really mean?  I meant ALL OF  IT.

To Cain’s assertion that there is a level of misogyny among comic book fans above what there is in other places…She is 100% wrong.  I laid out evidence supporting my opinion, others have laid out NONE.  They laid out evidence that there is some misogyny (anecdotal evidence culled from twitter) but NO evidence that it is inherent or more so in comic book fans then elsewhere anecdotal or otherwise.  In the case we are speaking of we have only anecdotal evidence from someone who admits to not having had to deal with it before.  Someone who heretofore worked in a an industry that the vast majority of is  (it is 70-80% based on survey sales reports and studies, look it up yourself ) female consumers…not a person qualified to make such a specific accusation, by any stretch of the imagination.

I see nowhere in her comments, any reason to think she has any idea what she is talking about in regards to the industry, and perhaps in regards to the element of humanity she encountered on twitter. Her reaction was unwise.  The reactions of those who agreed with her were unwise. A whole lot more harm than good was being done by the people who claimed to care so much because they were to lazy to learn anything before opening their mouths. As usual, it is the people with no actual knowledge of how to deal with a situation who run up to monkey with it first. So, while pointing out why she is wrong in her premise, I used the opportunity to sprinkle in attempts at stymieing the behavior of those of that mindset that do exist, as i do have some knowledge in that regard, in the hopes that others would pick up on that and follow suit. Everyone clear now? …great.

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