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Here's an e-mail that represents many others

"hey bro, don't leave us in suspense, what's with the neurotic blogs lately?"

first, i'm not your brother, i know who my father is.  Second I've said all I'm going to say on the matter.  while i don't mind my life being an open book here, trying to discern what would and would not be right to air out here concerning other people or things would just take too long.  all you gotta know is - i'm a dope, the other party is sort of an ingrate, and that's life.  

NOW, onto the Wizard World Comic-con, that i just attended. Two things right off the bat about this show.  One i'm starting to get anxiety attacks during the show now...which is a pain in the ass.  from the outside looking in a can see where someone would say "how can you stand there and have people continually come up and tell you they love your work and thanks you for what you do and then turn around and have a bout of panic/depression"  i can understand that opinion because i share that opinion...i don't know what's up exactly.  It might have something to do with my train wreck of a personal life and the fact that many of the people who come up have a wedding ring and a family and so on and i'm going home to basic cable.  It could have something to do with the situation i was venting about last know what, i'll just tell you...

  I'm very blunt and direct and honest and pretty bright so i give really good advice, therefore I'm often asked for blunt direct honest advice. one of the lessons i CONTINUALLY have to tell male friends is that women NEVER come around.  they either like you right from the start (romantically) or they don't.  and there is really nothing you can do good or bad to move yourself from someone they look put in thier "romantic interest" category to the other "friend" category.  this is somewhat true with some men but with women it's a hard and fast rule.  this is why some of them get hooked up with a dickhead and have screwy abusive off and on relationships with someone who is terrible for them for years and years. They immediately put the dickhead into the "romantic" category and there he stays, all the while they have men in their life who are not dickheads that they never look twice at. They don't all like dickheads but that's just an example of what i'm talking about. they have two categories and the two never swap players.

  that is how they operate. which is not to say it's any better or worse then how men operate but it is different and hard for us to get our heads around, as men can grow hot or cold on any particular woman.  and what young men often try to do is hang around in the background and think that eventually they will be upgraded.  but it never happens. at best this guy will be around during a hard break up and be a shoulder to cry on and maybe sleep with the girl while she's drunk and angry at the other guy and maybe even have a very brief and pathetic relationship until the girl runs into someone who is truly in the romantic category. 

so i end up telling people over and over "look, you're just not her cup of tea, no big deal, but if you don't realize this you're just going to be the friend who's always hanging around and getting hurt and confused as she goes from one relationship with someone who's not you to another relationship with someone who's not you...all the while YOU'RE missing out on other things. get your head out of your ass and find someone else."  blunt advice, but good advice that is meant from keeping that person from being a dope.  well guess what, I WAS JUST THAT DOPE. I didn't realize it but I had was being that very kind of dope and just recently realized it.  it was sort of a slow subconscious transition into being that guy until something that should have just bothered me a little ended up really getting under my skin ...

Figuring out you have feelings for someone by getting irked because you figured out they don't have feelings for you is  ironic but fitting of the grand circus of pain that is romance.

  but i am grateful that i am wise enough to simply realize this and discreetly exit our hero stage left rather than doing anything weird/needy/over the top like people have done to me. I'm the male version of this, i either like you or i don't and no amount of booze or plastic surgery or abuse will change that.  and so i will lead by example here everyone.  i will simply accept that nothing romantic will ever come of our relationship and after a few more sessions of grimly staring at her myspace page full of new pics of her and her new boyfriend (an electronic testament to the fact that she has never  considered, nor ever will, the two of us dating) and methodically/angrily tapping my finger on the desk...i will simply move on.

I don't really think though that that is the cause of my little attacks though...more likely that it's just a combination of everything at once along with not getting the normal recovery time after San Diego's Convention and knowing that in the next three months I have 5 or six more of these to do.

the second thing about this Chicago show is that i now realize that i am two big to ever do one of these alone again.  I had Issiac with me who did a fine job.  I almost told Issiac to stay home cause this show is real close to my house and i figured i could just handle it myself.  that would have been a disaster.  somewhere along the way i have become to big to realistically be able to run my booth by myself.  unless the show is completely under attended i just cannot handle it all alone anymore. I have a show in Orlando in a couple of weeks and i am looking for a volunteer.  you get in for free and you get free Arsenic Lullaby stuff, and your duties include talking to lots of people about how great my book is.  interested parties please e-mail me.  i won't be sleeping with you though.

lots of stuff happened At Chicago's Con that should have annoyed me but i'm frankly i wasn't focused and just let a lot of nonsense go across the board. one thing i will mention is some VANDALISM that happened.

here is a picture of the banner that was sort of across from us.  nice looking banner depicting the cover of the book that this fine 20 something patriotic youngster had for sale. 



Now look what some jerk drew on the vinyl table cloth covering his table where he lays out Obama comic books



Now that's a shame...why would someone do something like that?.




The look on his face that next morning was worth the price of is as though it never crossed his mind that this seems really really gay and that people out there might view HIM as the patsy who doesn't understand politics.  He wasn't by his table as much after this and i can only hope that some good came out of this egregious act of vandalism.

If YOU look up to a lifetime politician and view him as a hero and role model than you don't deserve to live in a free country. I'll put myself in this guys place...i'm a big fan of Ronald Reagan i would never even have the thought of drawing pictures of him in a loin cloth pop into my head.  And even if you like Obama and what he wants to do...he hasn't done any of it yet.  so viewing him as a hero is absurd.  Firemen, inventors, soldiers, doctors, THESE are heroes....MAYBE....MAYBE...a president AFTER he has completed his term and we can review the good an bad ...could be considered someone you look up to.  MAYBE...but all you numbskulls with your Obama as superman t-shirts and this patsy with his Obama comic book, deserve to go back and live in communist Russia.  but i would settle for you watching a firefighter in action so that you can learn the difference between a hero and a politician. One is covered with sweat and soot, and the other sits in a big leather chair.


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