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I heard drawing turtles makes you gay.

one of the few awards worth a damn is being voted on right now, the HARVEY AWARDS.  there are all sorts of awards out there...most of the big ones are voted on by high brow intellectual industry types who vote for either boring slice of life comics or artsy crap that no one understands, OR who ever is in there company.  then there are the fan awards which are won by whoever is currently drawing the superhero with the biggest boobs Rob Lefield won some of those, so that tells you what those are worth.  Don't remember Rob? lucky you.

the Harvey awards are voted on only by comic book professionals (or people shady enough to lie, say they are and get away with subtle?) and as i look at the ballot, web comics have a category, so i guess that means any drip who slapped up a photoshoped cartoon of him and his cat could be considered a professional, they don't ask for your w-2.  As near as i can tell anyone who had a booth at a con could be considered a "pro" one way or another.  

and how do they check anyway?  this electronic ballot is really a stupid idea.  it used to be that they would mail you a ballot, or you would have to request that they mail you a ballot and this really cut back any fraud.  but with this e-ballot any old tom dick of hairy could wait til the last minute send in a ballot that says "i'm hairy dinkle and i did the inking for spidey no.5422"  are they going to google "hairy dinkle"? Fuck no, they are just going to count the votes...(still to subtle?)

just for any comic book pros out there the ballot can be gotten at

Or possibly by clicking on these thumbnails

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these may or may not load for you so your best bet may be to got to


And you people who do mini comics or small press certainly seem to be able to legitimately able to vote 

(yes i am aware of the facedness of asking small press to vote for me after many blogs mocking them...come on...can't you take a little abuse? all in good fun heh heh.  it was for your own good, after all i was in your lowly position once ...for about three issues.)


Like all awards though, they are really only good for stroking your own ego, and publicity and not all that useful even for that. They are neat to hang on your wall, they are a nice feather in your cap. I personally don't get that excited about it, some people do, to me every piece of chrome that i am able to buy ,and put on my el camino after the comic book pays my bills  is my award. 

I was Nominated for best new talent years ago and i was up against some guy who drew a comic about a talking turtle that ran away from home (and later on he drew some crappy book about breaking up with your mean this guy was good! really groundbreaking stuff, i can see why he was nominated...cough) and some guy with a sort of interestingly drawn vampire book...and i forget who else.  the talking turtle won. that was ten years ago and he's done one book since and i'm translated in two languages, have published over thirty books, contributed to several dozen others, been in Mad Magazine for three years and counting, and did it all without an artsy fartsy publisher pulling a bunch of strings for me.  i'm actually not bitter i just hate books about talking animals, and like to look down on them.  it's all the same joke you understand?  the animal is acting like a person...ha ha..lookit.  it's one step above a fart joke.

I walked out after they called the winner of the award, not because i was disgusted but because i just wasn't that interested in the rest of the show.  it was dull, Evan Dorkin was the MC...the guy writes a good comic but put a mic in front of his face and you have a total train wreck, If i wanted to watch a nervous Jew sweat through a suit I'd watch (insert holocaust joke here).

 The guy who drew the smurfs- jeff smith (...what? those weren't smurfs? that's weird because they looked EXACTLY LIKE SMURFS, LIVED IN A SMURF LIKE WORLD AND HAd SMURF LIKE NAMES...WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICES THESE THINGS?  BONE = THE SMURFS  stop calling this guy a genius...he ripped off the smurfs) gave a speech at the beginning in which he sounded like he wanted to dig up the great Harvey Kurtzman (one of the early editors of Mad Magazine who this award is named) and blow him. 

When i die and someone uses my name for an award and some jerk gets up who never knew me and starts babbling on about what a genius i was i want someone to produce my credit report and hand it to him. 

anyway it was so boring i had to force myself to hang around to see if i won. i didn't, so i discreetly left, or tried to.  The nob at the door gave me a dirty look and acted like i was being rude and making a scene on purpose... first off, why are you guarding the door?  the awards are 5 dollar plaques that will be handed out to the lowest people on the publishing rung, no one is going to burst in here and demand we all put our costume jewlery into a sack at gun point.  if a scene is being made it's because you are in my way telling me "the awards are not over".

i said some smart ass comment and pushed my way through.  look, when i want to make a scene TRUST ME you'll know it. I just wanted to go back to my hotel and watch the worlds strongest man on cable.

As proof that the award for "best new talent" was given to the wrong guy Josh Blaylock and John korvalic where not even nominated. we all started that year. and all four of us have had a larger impact on the industry than the talking turtle guy. It's fun to watch though to see if you win or get nominated for something.  of course, like i say the Harvey's are voted on by my "peers" and there is a obvious reason i've not been nominated since my first year...must have been something i said...or lot's of things i said.

but just in case here are the categories i'm up for this year 

best cartoonist

douglas paszkiewicz "Arsenic Lullaby Pulp edition Zero" 

special award for humor

douglas paszkiewicz Arsenic Lullaby Pulp edition Zero 

best single issue or story 

douglas paszkiewicz Arsenic Lullaby Pulp edition Zero 

Tex Buckaroo vs issitoque

baron von donut goes to Cuba

alien centaurs find missing child

Voting ends soon to see who gets to be a stay tuned and i'll try to act put off that some jerk was nominated and i wasn't. 

the eiseners come out a little after the harveys and those have specific judges, who work in the industry.  You have to nominate yourself which seems pretty jive, and the then the "judges" review the entries and decide who get nominated based on criteria that only they know.

then there are the ingnatz awards...i don't know anything about the ignatz except he drew a strip about a cat and a mouse and that i'm supposed to think that mr.ignatz was a genius.  they throw that word around alot. when i hear genius i think of Albert Einstein or Mozart, not some lonely creep drawing a talking cat ..

I've probably contradicted myself alot in this blog because when it comes down to it i don't really know if i give a damn about awards or not.  It's never ruined my day that i didn't win one, but on the other hand a little recongnition would be nice. But in the end the REAL awards are handed out by the readers, they are handed out at every show and in every comic book store, they are green and have presidents pictures on them...


comments? concerns?