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a lot  on my mind

so while talking to a friend of mine the other day i mentioned that i didn't think my blogs had the usual zest to them lately.  he said he didn't notice any drop off in quality but did notice a change in content. "most of your blogs lately have been "Industry" related stuff, or politics...which is fine.  but your best ones are just about things you are dealing with that me, myself personally, i wouldn't put half of the shit up on the internet that you do.  BUt that is what makes your blog worth reading.  now i know for a fact you got plenty of personal stuff going on, you've been talking to the ex-wife more, Christmas is almost here-that means family drama...their is plenty of heavy stuff going on with you that your brilliant melon could turn into a good blog."

he's right of course...i do have some things on my mind and i might as well air them out, because frankly, i'm worried that my judgment is off.  i've come to a couple of conclusions that may add up to me not being the man i thought i was. 

here we go-

i am infatuated with Rachel Maddow from MSNCB.   yeah...that one. and by infatuated yeah i mean i wanna "do" her.  now while she is not classically good looking by any definition of the term...she isn't ugly.  she has nice smile, it's sort of a smirk.  although as i looked closer today i think that this smirk might just be because her face is...oh ...less symmetrical than normal.  she has the haircut of a ten year old boyscout and dresses very conservatively.  in fact if just flipping through channels one might think "hey, wasn't that the little brother from ALF?" on top of that she is my polar opposite as far as politics goes.  although she doesn't seem bitchy about it or snarky, she seems bright and reasonable.  she seems like she has taken the time to think things over before she opens her mouth about something. in fact her disposition is alot like mine...well like mine starts out anyway, if you eliminate my shouting, her and i are pretty similar personality wise.  that worries this some Freudian thing? do i just want to sleep with myself?  i hope not because quite frankly i could do way better than me.  in fact if you are a woman who is only as attractive a female as i am a male then don't even bother sniffing around, i only trade up.

I am also smitten with the clerk with the heavy eye make-up from the progressive auto insurance commercials. this is reassuring because she is all woman and kind of gaudy/trashy and seems like a real "gamer" anything you came up with she would reply "yeah, okay, let's try that!  you wanna here on on the couch?"...although she isn't super attractive either...nor is she meant to be.  she is one step above being attracted to the cartoon woman from that other insurance commercial. given that the other two companies have a lizard and a cartoon as figureheads we can be pretty sure that sexual attraction was NOT the intended reaction to a insurance mascot.

so we have two women who are not really that attractive that i can't look away from whenever they come on the t.v.  in fact i sort of just put everything else on hold while they are on, if i'm on the phone i hang up, if someone else is over i just ignore them and stare at the t.v. like a dog staring at itself in a mirror-compelled/curious/unable to look away

back to i watched her...really watched her.  looking for clues at to why i'm so into her. i don't know what i hoped to see- "oh look her boobs are huge and i can just make out the size of her areolas through her blouse...perfect ratio"!... like i said she is dressed conservatively.  unlike telemundo ,that dresses it's female reporters like secretaries in a porno and has them either sitting behind glass tables or standing, MSNBC allows Maddow to wear pants suits and sit behind an actual desk.  so i zoomed in on her hands. they where nice...the fingers where slender, long nails with clear polish...good good, no cubby sausage like fingers.  maybe my subconscious can deduce a woman's figure by here hands and that's why I'm smitten.  although knowing what i do about the female ego...if she had a nice figure she would be wearing something else.  paints suits are worn to hide WIDE asses. she has a nice neck, except for this weird dot on it.  she has nice eyes...kind eyes.  maybe it's that simple.  both her and the progressive lady have kind eyes and seem like genuinely happy nice people.  maybe i am so old and broken that simply having your shit together and being a nice person is enough to peak my sexual curiosity. 




 I'll just make up something about an "incident" in the boy scouts when i was ten and my infatuation with Maddow is me subconsciously trying to relive the trauma...and the other lady is just me wishing clerks didn't give me the finger when i ask for help.