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the hell i'm living in...


The problem in running into as Arsenic Lullaby gets bigger and bigger is that more and more people are figuring out i'm celebrity...i'm using that term LOOSELY. i'm a celebrity in the comic book world.  and the "people" that i'm talking about are people who know me outside of comics.  who have after ten years have finally figured out that i have a wicapedia listing and a website...and a blog.  

When i started the blog i was free to bitch about literally anything going on in my everyday life because the everyday people in my life didn't read it.  But now every time i bitch there is a real possibility i'm going to get some whiney phone call from someone who feels they meet that profile and take offense even though i wasn't talking about them specifically.  i find it odd that when i bitch TO them it goes in one ear and out the other but when the read it in the blog it cuts them right to the bone.  

so do i continue to worry, irritate, offend friends and relatives for the sake of people I've never met who read my blogs and get a few laughs?  yep.

today though i have no fear of this coming back to haunt me because the subject in question almost certainly can't read. I'm talking about my horrible neighbor. I live on the top floor of a duplex and months ago it was invaded by some Latino family. i'm using the term "family" loosely.  we have a fat dumb obnoxious mom, and 6-8 year old daughter and a 2-3 year old male boy/gremlin.  

I can sum up there life in one observation...she owns a flat screen plasma t.v. that they have mounted on the upper wall, but can't afford to pay to have a key made for the garage. 

Let me call a spade a spade here and say let's all believe our own eyes and own life experiences and say NO MORE SINGLE PARENTS. NO...MORE.  i won't even get into single dads because they never end up with the kids and when they do the kid never lives past age 2.  a single male attempting to raise a child is the same as having a woman fix your car...sure you could search and find one that is good but if we all want to deal in reality that odds are 99% that she'll just stick an air freshiner on the mirror and your engine continue making the noise until it explodes. single males will drink milk to see if it's bad rather than check the date on the carton, they have no maternal instincts...period. 

Single women can keep the kid alive but that's about it (i'm speaking in generalities here. some women may be adept enough to raise a child but women like that don't end up getting knocked up by some loser who is never going to play any significant role in the kids life.) See, women have some maternal instincts but they lack the "POW" that a fathers voice has when scolding a child.  they aren't as adept at comanding respect and disciplining the "child".  so kids raised by a mom end up wild eyed primates one step below the monkey that went on the rampage and murdered that old broad in Connecticut. the monkey in that story didn't really give any warning, where as children of single mothers are living shrieking warning signs of the swarm of felonies, drug addiction, and VD that will hatch out of their cocoon of puberty.  they grow up into the people who stab us at ATM's to buy meth.  many of us will be stabbed by them unnecessarily, as they already had enough cash from the other victims but where never taugh how to count, so they just keep a' stabbin until they have a roll of cash that resembles the previous roll of cash in thickness.  

so yeah, she's a single mom living off of the state who's idea of parenting is turning oprah up full blast so she can't hear the wails from the howler monkey she crapped out.  

here's a funny story...just days after i found the kid playing in the alley by some broken glass and balled her out i see him with a cast on his leg.  

"broken leg eh?" i ask 

"yeah, my poor baby broke his leg at McDonalds...he can't even put any weight on it he just has to crawl and drag himself around."  she replies with a note of empathy and motherly sympathy in her voice.

"at McDonalds?"

"yeah i'm gonna sue them!" excitedly "i already called some lawyers!"

"were is the break?" i ask because the cast went all the way from his toes to his hip

" i don't know"

she doesn't know...WhERE THE BREAK IS?!

"where you there?"

"yeah, it was on the slide...i was sliding down with him and his leg got stuck and broken"

now...are you dissecting this sentence in your head and painting the visual that i am?...of her fat ass on a Childs slide with her hapless kid flailing around in front of her only to twist on the way down and have his mother plow right over him...breaking his leg.

" long is the cast gonna be on?"

" i don't know"


"i don't have insurance...we just went to the emergency room and they put this on and said we have to take him to a doctor this week".

allow me to interject some politics here for all you government health care supporters.  1-she has a plasma t.v....and no insurance. she, i have NO doubt represents the vast majority of uninsured people...could afford it but doesn't makeit a priority.  2-she qualifies for state aid/health insurance because she's already living off the state in every other way, but never bothered to fill out the forms.  That is until the following day when she had to use MY phone to call the state for have her children added to her policy.  you matter what we do as a nation...stupid and lazy is stupid and lazy.  I was almost on board with the government health care when i heard that the government would be determining who is and isn't a waste of money to cure/medicate.  the rumor was that a panel would eventually be set up to ration care out and some people would be left to the wolves...sadly that was just a "fear mongering" by the right wing.  personally i though it was a great idea and who ever cooked that up on the right wing to "scare" me...almost gained the left my vote. 

and what's that you ask?  what do i mean by "her" policy?  i mean she signed her self up for free insurance...but never the kids.

What's that you ask?  why did she have to use my phone?...well of course i mean that there is a problem with the downstairs phone line and ever though she has paid all her bills that phone simply doesn't work because the phone line needs repair...i'm kidding of course...she hasn't paid the bill on her i phone.  

yep...i phone...she has an i phone but couldn't afford to by a fuse when she blew out the fuse on the hot water heater vecause all three of them take 45 minute showers. anyway- the later that i predicted to my friend she had a huge argument with her babies daddy...i knew this was coming because she now needs money and so loser no.1 thinks by screaming at loser no.2 that money for a doctor will magically appear.  this is how moron losers life. they don't put an ounce of thought into anything the rest of use consider priorities and when something happens and the need it...they scream and wail for someone else to give it to them.

now...before you color me a hypocrite and say "but you don't have health insurance".  i will say on my behalf, i don't have any kids and constantly struggle with i really only care if i live to see tomorrow 65% of the time.  Doing the math, it would be a poor investment to pay for something that i RARELY need and even more rarely want.  If i do get some life threatening problem there is only a 35% chance i'll give a crap.  better that i invest that money into my el camino so i have a cool car to sit in and rev the engine of in a closed garage to "self medicate" if you will.  speaking of killing myself in the garage, let's get back to my horrible neighbors.

the fight went on with screaming and furniture being slammed around and her yelling "i'll stab youuuuu!!!" at the top of her lungs.

let me point out right here that other my neighbor who has called the cops on me half a dozen times, and pounded on my door about utter nonsense, this time simply cowered in his living room and did nothing.  in a way i feel insulted that he views her as a bigger threat, but i should probably take it as a compliment that he thinks i'm at least enough of a stand up guy that i might respond to his bithcing.

the kid is up all hours of the night and communicates by screaming because no one is bothering to teach him how to talk.   it's like a game of charades with a yowling baboon. what the matter are you hungry "YAAAEEEARRRRAAHHHH".  I'M NOT EXAGERATING...actually i am in the sense that she never asks him what he wants. the t.v.s blaring constantly and i have to go downstairs five times a week to tell them to turn it the hell down.

now...i am not without recourse...i am no hapless victim but i can't really mention my offensive strategy here because they haven't figured out what i've been doing and this is a public forum.

suffice to say...this won't be going on forever.

a few nights later she had another 30 minute screaming match with her niece wrapping up with "i'll stab youuuu!!!!"  that's her thing.  like sinatra had to sing "my way" at every concert...during later loud arguments i often hold up my lighter until she comes back out to scream "i'll stab you!!!!"  only then do i feel i got the full performance.   someone did call the cops this last time...i'll have the police report in my hands soon and i'll post it along with my own play by play. it's good stuff.

the point here is that this kid has NO CHANCE in life whatsoever he is a wild animal in a diaper...and a cast.  and he is a carbon copy of every male child of a single mom between 18-20 that i have EVER run into.  white, black, latino, they all produce rampaging crotch turds that will all be working below the retarded guy who retrieves carts at the grocery store...or living off of your taxes...until they die from an overdoes or VD, or kill you while driving drunk to borrow a sold dollar from whoever they are screwing.

"doug that's NOT true that's unfair!" come by then and allow me to take you on a tour of ANY SINGLE MOM UNDER THIRTY IN THE TRI-STATE AREA. Milwaukee is in the top 5 of teen pregnancy, i am well versed on the subject. arguing with me on this would be like arguing about potatoe growing with someone who lives in Idaho.  (I spell potatoe with an "e" as a tip of my hat to Dan Quail who tried to warn us. a subtle joke that no one under the age of 40 is going to get, and if i had a normal childhood i wouldn't get it either.  don't bother looking it up it's not that funny)

perhaps i can meet the rainbow coalition half way here...they want the right to adopt kids...FINE. for a probationary period their adopted children MUST be taken from a pool of young single mothers.  there must be two of them and they must be taught how to beat their children when they get out of line.

i think that's a fair compromise that helps us all.  And as a right wing extremist i would cross the isle and lobby on their behalf.  


comments? concerns?



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