Let's start with a real quick recap...i went to a Catholic grade school, don't really remember any of it...a few months ago my old classmates started finding each other and set up a facebook page with the ultimate goal to be some sort of reunion.
well the day has come...they have picked out a day, and despite the fact that i have vowed to stay off of "fagbook" because it is boring and not user friendly...it is SO not user friendly that i can't even get it to stop sending updates to my regular e-mail address.......ever write a run on sentence that you have no idea how to undo? the point is I got this in my e-mail.
"to all interested graduates, Jill W. Jackie and I have been working on scheduling an informal get together for anyone who could attend. We decide on Saturday, (date deleted). We wanted to get an idea who would be able to attend before we were set on a location, however it was suggested we consider the 3rd ward area. We were thinking of (deleted) because of the location as well as the option to order small plate appetizers, if interested. Please let me know if you think that you can attend. if there is someone this message does not reach but u know how to inform them please do. it will be wonderful to see everyone and catch up! write me back as an informal RSVP if ur in! cant wait :) hope to hear from you soon!!! denise d."
So, what do i do with this? like i say, i don't really remember much of what went on and I'm probably walking into at best a very awkward waste of time. I don't have anything to prove or any axe to grind...that i know of. that's usually all these things are good for. i don't have any bad feelings or bad vibes about it other that this-
we all went to the same school, we all where given the same song and dance about follow your dreams and never give up and use your talents and blah blah blah....so why was i the only one who drank that kool-aid? was i sick the day they said "just kidding that's all just a bunch of crap" i browsed through their profiles a little, and they all have normal lives and families and normal jobs. and then you'll have me...i draw cartoon p.o.w. camps, and fetuses. i don't have a house or a family, my life is more like the twilight zone than the prime time sitcom esque lives they all have. and don't misunderstand, i'm not mocking them...they are far better off with their stability, and whatever normal jobs they have are much more beneficial to society than what i do. my grievance here is how come i am the only one who strayed from that path? We were all fed a line about be whatever you want and i'm the only dope who did that. i don't remember much but i am pretty sure nobody there said "when i grow up i wand to be an elevator maintenance man".
and what exactly am i going to talk about? i have no interest in talking about myself ( i get sick of the sound of my own voice by the time every convention is over and i make money doing that) i don't really care what they have been up to...i mean lets be honest...who gives a shit? I haven't see you in decades you haven't seen me in decades...who cares. I mean i know i should care, or pretend i care. but i don't care. not really. i'm not really even interested. i suppose i am interested in seeing if they are still the same as i remember then...but i don't really remember what they where like other than a few foggy memories. just the same, there is some weird curiosity, or vague instinctual pull towards showing up...
I'm sure they are all nice people and i can always use another friend, and i have no problem hanging out with whoever from back when i was a kid...but i don't see the point of the whole mess of us hanging out at some pub trading superficial stories over some hot wings. i hate hotwings and i can guarantee if you all had the exact same pictures of kids in your wallet i wouldn't notice. this very following sentence is so alien in every way...in it's subject, cadence, and the fact that it was typed in assumption that we would respond to it that i feel like i never met any of these people
We were thinking of (location deleted) because of the location as well as the option to order small plate appetizers, if interested.
this is the kind of lame ass event that secretaries cook up to find some break in their mind numbingly boring work week. Like making a cake for the janitors birthday or something. no one really gives a shit about the janitor they are just reaching for something unscheduled so they can tell one day from the next. i know i sound like a jerk here, and that's the other problem...my overly abrasive personality in a room full of mortgage brokers, and nurses aids, and ordinary upstanding folks is a bad combination most times. ESPECIALLY IF THERE IS BOOZE AROUND.
OR what if it's WORSE what if...what if...they actually DO care about each other? what if this isn't some superficial thing to break up the winter blahs, and they genuinely are interested in finding each other and catching up...i would be surrounded by good unselfish people...they very thought makes me feel like a dog when the vacuum cleaner turns on...confused, frightened, looking around wild eyed for someone to explain what is going on. Another ugly angle here, i would be in a room full of people with similar if not exactly the same upbringing and it would be starkly clear that i am a bad person and have no excuse for it, no reason other than the glee that i cull from being a prick to everyone.
plus i think i saw that one of them was a alderman or something...the scum of the earth. alderman, if you have learned anything from me, are people who are to stupid and uninspired to make a name for themselves in the free market. so, that'll be akward.
"what do you do for a living?"
oh well, last week i drew a robot stepping on a fetus...what about you?"
"i'm an alderman"
"you ought to be ashamed of yourself"
So i am trying to think back and remember if there was any particular girl i wanted to sleep with, but then i though about where that takes me. i mean if you sleep with a grown woman because you where hot for her when she was 12...well, that seems to be a slippery slope. i mean...ah...let's just move on.
As i looked closer on some of the pages i notice that my best friend all through grade school was...a mexican. THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHITE!! I mean if he where Irish or something that would be bad enough.
I was all set not to go until i saw like a half a dozen of them say "uhm i'm going to be on vacation that day" ...LAME. either say you want to go or say you don't. don't give me this shit about vacation. last time i checked feb 20th isn't a big travel weekend.
so i guess i'll go...i have to decide now so that i have plenty of time to get hepatitis and then lick all their glasses. i don't think any of them have it coming, but i like to be prepared just in case i get there and remember that one of them was a colossal jag. of course there is always the possibility...SLIM possibility that i was a jag then. what if i go and see the results of my jagness. like i see some kid i was horrible to and find out he/she has all sorts of complexes and character flaws now because of me, and what if i can't stop laughing about it, and what if i'm so pleased with myself that i become even more of a jerk to see if i can do the same now that i am a grown up?