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 A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER

 

            

Home from Comic-con   

(bare with me...first the praise then the complaining)

I am exhausted, and i should be.  as we have every year for a decade now we dominated the indy press pavilion at comic-con. and this year we even made some of the larger publisher booths look amateurish.  there are two reasons we clean house at that show.  ONE we have a great book and two i have the best crew on the floor.  alot of things went wrong at this show but no one outside of the booth would ever know and for that matter none of us really noticed either.  we have this down to such a science now that problems that would have spelled a disastrous show in the past where just speed bumps.  the banner set up didn't work out the way we wanted, the statues we have planned to sell didn't work out, things where shipped to us wrong or late or not at all...none of that made a dent in our steamrollering through that show.

it sounds like i'm bragging but i'm just tipping my hat Chris, Emma, Ashley, Tom, Issiac, and even Dan until he almost got me in big big trouble, none of whom have any sales experience made the pros at the other booths look like pikers.

and here's the reason...people would come up with an arm full of books for me to sign after having their arm twisted by one of my guys and say "you have some real good salesmen!".  they aren't salesmen, they are my friends. they are people who like the book believe in it and are just trying to have a few laughs and gets some more readers. If you where at that show it's a pretty stark contrast between them and the other folks who act like they are being forced to stay there...don't really give a rats ass if you check out their stuff or not and/or want to circle jerk about how they are big shots.  there are no big shots at our booths...myself included ,because as soon as I start to get a big head (which is easy to do when several hundred people a day ask for your autograph) someone is there, who has know me from the beginning to tell me to get my head out of my ass.

I will say though, this con was weird.  it was a little more fun when i was only moving a couple hundred books at the show -only because i had more time to talk and screw around with readers.  but when you are literally moving and entire pallet of comic books over the course of five days...you just don't have time.  i've gone from the front line dragging people over to sitting there signing one book after the other.  i am certainly not complaining because i have a cartoon to pay for and ten years worth of credit to rebuild...but it is meloncally.

NOW THEN...over the internet and lord know where else are a series of rumors about me.  and i really don't care what is said about me mostly because no matter what someone comes up with it just adds to the mystique-he's on heroine, he's got aids, he's gay, he's bi, he's a priest, he's a racist, all that stuff just makes the book seem more edgy.  i only address this subject because AFTER TWO YEARS OF BLOGS about how to be cynical and to NOT believe things you read on the internet and how to scrutinize information before you just accept it...if you people then go and read something about me and accept it i have FAILED AS A COMMUNICATOR.

let's take one rumor...and go through this one more time in hopes of getting through to you people the old saying "believe none of what you hear and half of what you see".

so the rumor that i am a big man whore and i sleep with the girls at my booth and a sleep with a different fan in every city.  let's, like always, start at the source of the information.  i don't know who the source is so i'm going to approach this rumor as if i am just a reader of arsenic lullaby and break it down.  since Douglas is only famous in the tiny world of comic books there is no real reason for anyone to pretend they know personal things about him...there is no real star power/name dropping credit there so this would have to be someone A-with no life what so ever or B-someone with an axe to grind.  now lets look at the information itself.  i supposedly after a four hour plan ride, ten hours of talking to fans, not really getting to eat anything, and with a horse voice, now have the charm to woow some fan girl into bed and them have the energy to do something with her...and since i stay a cheap motels with who ever came along to help, i am doing this while my friend tries to watch espn2 on the other bed. 

this is a rumor that gives me way more credit than i deserve. let's be frank, i'm 35 i don't think with my dick anymore, at a show like we just finished i have invested/risked in the ballpark of 7 thousand dollars between making product, shipping product, plane tickets, hotel rooms, food/misc. expenses and the table itself.  i am subconsciously doing math in my head after every book at how close i am to not losing my ass. there is the stress of losing a crapload of money, the stress of making sure everyone who helps gets there, is having a good time, the stress of hoping all the product gets there, the stress of meeting and greeting several thousand people, and the stress of whatever important meetings i have set up.  the LAST THING ON MY MIND IS GETTING LAID. 

and this is one of those rumors that is meant to harm, but only harms in a very ironic way.  i can only assume it was started to get women to thing i'm a pig and stay away from me, but in fact it has convinced many that i am open for business and now i have to discreetly deflect all sorts of flirting.  look, you are all very charming and cute as buttons but i just don't have the time or energy and frankly there is no way i would sleep with someone i just met. it's just not my style and is incredibly unhealthy...PLUS that would leave the people who volunteered to help all day long sitting in a crappy hotel after the show while I'm off getting laid...that would be a total asshole move, and would guarantee that i had no helpers next time.

i don't know how to make this any more clear...i don't hang around with people i don't know.  once in a blue moon I'll go to lunch or dinner with a reader but that is only after I've seen them a number of times and have a good vibe from them. 

i don't have time for it, if i went out with one reader i'd have a zillion others wanting a piece of my time outside of the show. it's rude to leave my helpers to go off with someone else, and it's dangerous.  i get alot of threats and the very fact that there are a bunch or rumors about me is evidence that there are lonely people out there looking to fuck up my day.  with 6000-7000 invested i can't afford to get thrown in jail because i got in a fist fight with some weirdo who was pretending to be a fan, and miss the rest of the show.

so please...don't take offense, I'm not going to sleep with you, i don't have time to go out and eat, and i simply only hang out with a very very small group of people most of whom i have know for five to ten years.

i got off the subject there...believe what you want but THINK before you believe it.  all of the rumors i heard could easily be dispelled with three minutes of thought about what you already know about me.  I'm a manwhore? the timing doesn't add up unless i charm the girl in 30 seconds and screw on the taxi back to the hotel. I'm a racist? anyone who reads this blog knows my ex-wife is black.  I'm on heroine? i always wear short sleeve shirts and display NONE of the characteristics of a junkie.  rumors about why my marriage failed?  look at all the divorces you know about...was there some big spectacular event that ended it? or did they all just sort of erode and go out with a wimper? yeah, that's right...real life is dull. i forget now what the other ones where, but come on people...stop believing everything you read, not for my sake FOR YOUR SAKE.  the internet is 99% bullshit.  it is 99% people trying to USE YOU FOR THEIR OWN PETTY SCHEMES.  and they will lie cheat and bullshit as much as you will allow them to.

and i am sure the rumor spreaders are reading this...whatever drama you think exists between us is all in your head there are only two people who have a legitimate reason to spread an ugly rumor about me- unless you folks hear an ugly rumor about me from Mark Darnel or Jeremy Adophson the rumor is not only untrue but the malice it stems from is imagined.  if you get an ugly rumor from either of those it's still made up but they at least earned the right to spread it because i still haven't shipped their stuff.  so feel free to spread rumors they spread and tell anyone else to grow up.  actually that will just encourage them, just ignore them altogether, and most importantly stop telling me because it just makes me sad they you are so gullible. 

 

and i didn't win the Eisner, but I'll get into that Thursday. til then...

 

comments? concerns?

douglaspasz@gmail.com

myspace.com/douglasarseniclullaby

www.arseniclullabies.com


 

 

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