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GPS for Christmas

there is a time and a place for a good argument.  but for now i'd rather we not argue...i'd just like you to put aside your opinion for a while and simply put yourself in my place.  i don't care if you believe in God or just for a moment for the sake of an entertaining blog just understand that I do, put yourself in my place think of something you believe in that is important put that in it's place maybe and lets move forward...


I believe in God, I'm a Roman Catholic.  I was raised that way, and as i grew up and thought things over for myself with my own cynical eyes, i found that i believed probably a little bit more than when it was just something i was taught.  Having said that i have found myself walking out in the middle of Mass and eventually just going to church and saying a prayer or two before or after the mass when no one was around. it is the homilies that have driven me away.  the boring, uninspired, pointless, waste of oxygen blathering on of the Priest who is SUPPOSED to be using that time to inspire, teach, enlighten his listeners.  that's your job if you're a Priest teach. if the analogy is that a priest is the Shepard and the churchgoers are his flock, then the "Shepard" is scratching his ass with his staff while just behind him wolves are licking their lips.  


You as a Priest...have a job.  your job is not to ramble through each mass like you are a stewardess reciting how to find the exits.  Your job is to GIVE A SHIT and BELIEVE that the time spent talking to us is important.  That's really all I ask of a be at least the ONE person who thinks that the Mass is important. but...that is too much to ask so i usually walk out or go after mass is over.


Fast forward to Midnight Mass Christmas eve. It's Christmas so i decide to go to an actual Mass.  Mass begins with a snotty comment about how it is nice to see so many people attending and how they HOPE we will come next week and the week after... That's up to you wise have a church full of people, are you going to make good use of that time/oppurtunity?...  nope.  


the homily begins-i swear i'm not making this up...the Priest is at the podium...right in front of him is a 800 page book full of stories and psalms and guidance that has weathered the test of time for centuries...and this Jackass begins his homily with a news story about how Churches are installing GPS systems in the baby Jesus's in their nativity scenes because so many of them are being stolen.  this is some story he got off the internet...i want to pour cows blood on myself and start him on fire in front of the entire church.  He's got a BIBLE in front of him (the book that is the groundwork for the entier faith it is his job to preach and advance) and he wants to share a story he got off the, say what you will about the credibility of the's more meanigful and profound than internet news story, and even if YOU don't think it is IT'S HIS JOB TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS...AND WE ALL CAME HERE TO HEAR FROM THERE BIBLE. I don't need the subtleties of the drudge report explained to me, i am living now...i get it.  it's the phrasiology of the 6000 year old translated text in front of youy i'd like to be sure i'm clear on.


then father numbnuts reads the comments that where left about the story by internet readers.  they where negative comments about the Catholic religion and Christmas and blah blah blah...the kind of boring bitchy comments you'd expect from someone bitching about Christmas in response to a story that isn't really about Christmas.  They were not meaningful, thoughtful questioning of our faith, they where cutsie drive by lines from either a rambunctious teenager who just got done cutting his arm with his keys or a bitter lonely bored loser.


SO two things i'd like to drill into this Priests brain...and every other priest i've had the displeasure of listening to for the last five years or so.  ONE-The Bible has withstood the test of time.  the older parts of it are 6000 years old and the message is profound, and inspiring and has lead civilization out of many dark times.  It and it's words have been attacked and questioned for centuries by KNOWLEDGEABLE MEN and it and the faith is still WHY EVEN BOTHER RESPONDING TO SOME NITWITS ON A WEBSITE WHO'S COMMENTS HAD NO THOUGHT PUT INTO THEM. why lower yourself and MY beliefs to that level. why use OUR time to get in a pissing contest with darkchyld83?


TWO-instead of reading stories from the drudge report, or the local newspaper, or comparing it to some t.v. about you just READ FROM THE BIBLE...and explain the message...YOU DUMB you think you are more clever than the BIble?  more entertaining? do you think that the message and Ideology of Jesus Christ who's words still inspire people 2000 years after he left this earth needs to be spiced up with your little newspaper clippings and anecdotes?  IT DOESN'T. JUST FUCKING READ FROM THE BOOK IN FRONT OF YOU...AND MAKE SURE WE UNDERSTAND THE MEANING.  that is all you have to do.  


see, it's not the excessive begging for money, or the cases of pedophilia, and scandals that have made people loss the faith and stop's the lack of any thing even remotely inspiring happening when they attend mass. friend used to say "you can be stupid...then you can be STUPID" meaning it is usually not the first stupid thing you do that gets you in trouble it is your stupid response to your stupid action.  if a priest got caught embezzling money and it was on the news and people went to mass that next week and this incident was addressed OR a new Priets was their that was better and gave a moving homily...then everything would be fine.  


It's so easy...especially at Christmas time. Hell, CHARLIE BROWN gets it, the Grinch gets it, why doesn't this priest?  It's Christmas time...when Jesus was born.  Jesus who grew up and tried to tell the world to stop worrying about the details and just "treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated"-  to look out for each other, to get off each others backs and just worry about being good people and for fucks sake stop killing each other and feuding and arguing about stupid petty shit and take care of each other and try to show that you, as a human being,  are worth a damn...and if you see someone in need and you can help that so hard?  I'm paraphrasing there...but that's the long and short of it. see, you tell the people to TRY THAT at least during Christmas and see if they don't find themselves just a little more at peace.  then they come back for more...then they start to realize the profoundness of the message and the possibility of it having a divine origin becomes slightly more plausable.  that's one of the reasons i believe...the perfection of the message as a whole.  do you think a bunch of HUMANS came up with that? FUCK NO...just get a load of the priest who claims to be it's avatar. people see organized religions shortfalls as a reason no to me there is possibly NO BIGGER reason TO believe that the bible is the word of a higher power than the shear incompetence of everyone surrounding it. it's like seventy eight monkeys are in a room and covered with frosting and have cake smashed into their fir and one has a spatula stuck between it's front teeth and in the center of them is the most perfect cake you ever myself personally...i don't believe the monkeys made that cake.  and the longer that cake is in that room near those monkeys the worse it's gonna end up...BUT in the beginning that was a good cake there.


THAT is a message...THAT is a homily, ten minutes of some uninspired nob Priest reading snotty e-mail comments and responding in an equal snotty fashion is not.  Where is the inspiration there?  did this ass honestly think that this is the best use of his short time with a room full of people that he wants to return next week?


I walked out in the middle of Mass...on Christmas, I'm pretty sure i wasn't subtle.  and i am sure all of the other dopes in that building who were there because they felt "obligated", weren't actually giving any thought to the big picture, or only half awake during the homily, thought I was a nob who doesn't understand what Christmas is all about.