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Even though i am mean...i'm not as mean as i could be   

Here's my problem...this blog is/has always been about whatever is occupying my mind at any given day.  the thing occupying my mind today,like a pebble in my shoe ,i don't think i can talk about because it's personal

"that never stopped you before, we've had to sit through all sorts of uncomfortable personal crap from you"

yeah i know but it's not that it's so personal i'm afraid to vent about it to you all...but it's a long story that i don't know i could make interesting.

I'll try to give you the tail end, bits and peices for the sake of getting it off my chest.

so some broad i haven't heard from in two years contacts me out of the blue and tells me her marriage is falling apart.  now...right off the bat, that's not exactly fair to me is it?  ONE, i don't really care.  i mean...i care in the sense that i don't like to see that happen to people, but on a personal level...what's it to me?  haven't heard from you in two years and for a good reason.  you're a child in a woman's body.

secondsecond...obviously i'm supposed to comment on her impending divorce because that's really all she had to say in the e-mail.  now anyone who knows me knows that i am a straight shooter.  i tell you what i think not what you want to hear.  That trait has made alot of people very cross with me...but they all come back eventually because finding someone who will give you the tough answers tough answers is not easy...most people will just take the path of least resistance and say "no that dress doesn't make you look fat, no i don't think you're a alcoholic, no it's okay that you aborted your baby"  were as i'll say "you are an alcoholic whale, and drinking your fetus to death in the third trimester is not any medical sense of the word "abortion" so yeah, you're probably going to pay for that in the next life".  most people won't tell you those in the end being someone who is willing to be honest at the risk of hurting feelings will make people mad at you and not talk to you for awhile but eventually they grown up and realize the service you did for them. that you put put telling them something that could help them above the friendship itself...and usually they forget i was laughing while telling them.  "ha dud your are going to HELL for that shit! you larde ass baby killing alcohalic! bwah haaaa ha" if you are scracthing your head and thinking "then why did you bring it up" or screaming "niether did i!"  then you and i are on the same page.

let me point something out here.  there is a HUGE difference between "realization" and "growth". many of us get these two confused.  they are different things. see you can "realize" that you have a character defect...but that is not growth...CHANGING the defect is growth.  like...i realize that i have a tendency to push people away and be to hard on people.  but until i change  that is not "growing as a person" it is mearly a "realization" of something you need to work on.

So in five e-mails this woman has proved she is every bit the spoiled brat she ever was.  actually from the first e-mail on.  to contact someone out of the blue...who by the way you haven't spoken to because you had a hissy fit cause you couldn't handle the truth two years ago...and dump some problem on him shows a bit of narcissism i think.  and by the also shows that everyone else in your life is tired of hearing your shit...actually that might not be true.  when you get a divorce most of the people around you steer away from that subject as best they's awkward and they are afraid to say something that might come back to haunt them or get taken the wrong way.  which is why jerks like me are so valuable in tough situations like this and why i have so many close friends despite being a pain in the ass. is MY character defect on display...this blog. see, i wrote back (this is all happening on myspace) saying basically "i'm not the one who brought it up, haven't heard from you in two years and that wasn't long enough". actually a case could be made that my first character defect was on display when i engaged this numbskull instead of just placating her and moving on. but my SECOND is when i didn't get a response and checked my sent mail.  in myspace it tells you  if the person read it.  she didn't...THAT burns my ass.  now i didn't give a rats ass about her or the situation UNTIL...she ignored my last e-mail.   like, something knaws at me that she just has to hear that i don't give a shit and don't want to hear from her.  and i truely don't  and yet i simply must know that she knows that.

what's up with that?  i'm really tempted to re-send it under the heading "i'm sorry" just to trick her into opening it. that's fucked up right?

anyway onto to business...go to e-bay we have hoodies, t-shirts, ornaments, three of my old sketchbooks and ...i forget what else.  now the sketchbooks are pretty good items you can see them being flipped through here

and here

and here

the clothes are all "buy it now". we have one of each size like as soon as one "medium" sells another "medium goes up for auction.  i don't remember how much of this stuff i sent to be listed so get them while they are hot.


comments? concerns?



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