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 A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER

 

           

 

 

This is the time of year I hear everybody saying two things


1-i need to lose some weight
2-you’re lucky you have a high metabolism.

In between no.1 and no.2 is the inevitable “I’ve tried everything”.  It starts with no.1, then they have to rationalize why they are heavy and I am not.

The FIRST thing I would say to most of you is…no you don’t.  most of you look fine and have seen too many 68 pound supermodels. Just because some people are prettier than you doesn’t mean YOU are not pretty.  And as a man who has dated beautiful women let me explain something to you.  most of them are just as insecure about their looks as you are, and some of them are more so.  A sad reality but a reality in your favor is this- when you are beautiful, life teaches you to get by on your looks, Beauty is a tool just like brains or skill and so you constantly dwell on that tool and how sharp it is. So except for the few “ugly duckings”  who became beautiful later in life, by and large beautiful women are very insecure.  I’m not trying to be a wise ass here, and I’m not trying to slight anyone.  And the one’s who are not insecure are often a huge pain in the ass.  And many have spend so much time using that one tool that…oh…following my analogy…the rest of the tools were left to rust.

Maybe you are a six or a seven and some other girl is a nine…any guy who’s been around the block awhile will take a six who’s charming over a nine who’s a pain in the ass.  (except for me … so you sixes out there just keep your distance.) 

ALSO, guys are not like women. Women buy and large have one type of “look” that they like and date people with that same look over and over.  (on a philosophical note…don’t we all tend to date the same TYPE of person over and over and over until we realize that that particular type doesn’t work for us?)  Guys on the other hand, have many different settings of what they think is hot. A guy might find paris Hilton, Xena, and beyonce all hot even thought they are all dramatically different looking.

and let's look at it like a car. Guys all have a car they love but they realize there is a difference between fantasy and reality. I for instance love el caminos and i realized that life is not fantasy and so i bought an ...el camino...okay i'm a bad example...a guy might love corvettes...but but that doens't mean he doesn't really like his honda civic. he realized that if he did get a corvette it would cost him alot (in reality it would cost money but as far as the analogy the hot broad might cost him time, money and cost him emotional suffering i.e. the pain in the ass factor) he couldn't drive it everyday or the way he drives his honda (the hot girl might be high mantenace and not put up with going to a bar HE likes or camping or some other hairbrained thing he likes to do) and he can cover his civic with bumper stickers (...i don't know where i'm going with that and perhaps it's best if we not try to figure out a comparison, kids read this blog) and maybe he just can't afford it, it's out of his means (he's a six and so he knows he can't land a nine. of course if you are a six it means YOU need ot look beyond physical beauty and give a six a try...nothing wrong with that. Plenty of sixes out there are, when push comes to shove, better than a nine. the goal here is to find someone who makes you happy, yes?)

So…stop worrying about whether or not you’re overweight
(most of you that is.)

BUT if you are a fat slob or are convinced you are a fat slob…OR just want to loss a couple of pounds that you think snuck on there that don't actually belong. let’s cut to the roots of the problem.

Eat less move more.  There is ONLY ONE WAY to put on weight.  That is to eat more than you need. PERIOD END OF STORY.  Forget all the rationalizing “my genenitcs, my hereditary  blah blah blaaaahhh”

Your parents were fat cuz they ate too much and didn’t move enough and they trained you to do the same.

BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND CUZ YOU HAVE A HIGH MATABOLIMS WHAAAAA”

My dad isn’t exactly a bean pole.  He’s not obese but he sure ain’t skinny.  5’6ish probably 160-170.  a fair sized belly struggling against the belt.

So what’s different about me and my dad.

-Booze, he’s a beer guy, has been since he was in the service.  Beer gives you a gut.  Beer packs on the pounds.  It’s made of yeast.  Ever see yeast NOT make something swell?  I only drink hard liquor.  Not only is it NOT made out of yeast.  It get’s you drunk faster and so you drink in less of whatever calories there are.

-Salt-  anyone who knows me at some point has been mortified by the amount of salt I eat.  I (and this is a conservative estimate) put about 2 tables spoons of salt on my food in addition to whatever salt is already cooked into it over the course of a day.  Salt…dehydrates you. salt dries up all that water weight you are lugging around.

“but it makes you  thirsty!  Then your drink more water!”  who says so?  Who says you HAVE to drink something because you are thirsty.  You’re going to put yourself through hell cutting carbs out of your diet cuz some book says so…wouldn’t it be easier just to be thirsty?  Quench that thirst with a cheeseburger.  AND you’re only thirsty because you’re not used to eating that much salt. I can each a half a pound of peanuts and not drink a thing. 


“But my blood pressure will go up!”
  says who?  “studies show that people who eat too much salt get high blood pressure.”  Yeah…the problem with those studies is they fail to mention that most people who eat too much salt, also eat like crap from beginning to end.  There is no way to separate the effects of the salt from the effects of every other thing they eat too much of.

And in any case what’s worse for your heart?  Too much salt or being 50 pounds over weight?  I have low blood pressure by the way.  So even if I “genetically” had low blood pressure by the studies logic all that salt should at least bring me up to normal blood pressure.

“but blah blah blah” 

Look…you said you tried everything…I’m telling you you haven’t and by the way cutting out all carbs or only eating red meat or any other kookie diet has detrimental health effects.  But the bottom line is the extra weight you’re carrying around is worse.

Which bring us to “diet”. Diets don’t work because no one can stay on a diet.  Why? Because in order to stay on a diet you have to think about what you are eating, and what you are going to eat, and plan out your meals, and pay attention to what foods your eating and what’s in them…HOW THE FUCK IS ANYONE GOING TO EAT LESS IF ALL THEY DO ALL DAY IS THINK ABOUT FOOD?!

I eat what ever I want…and guess what? Since I don’t care what I eat…magically I don’t obsess about it or constantly think about my next meal…and magically I don’t eat that much.  Sure I gorge myself from time to time, but those calories come and go.  I don’t gorge every day because I’m not worried about it.  It’s like…if you know you can get laid whenever you want, you have no problem passing up sex if you’re busy or tired, or there’s a game on t.v.   but if you’re in constant fear of never getting laid again you’ll never pass up a piece of ass.  Am I making sense here?
 
Now, here’s an important point. I eat whatever “I WANT” not whatever’s in front of me or whatever everyone else would want.  By that I mean this i have cerin foods i like and don't like, and perhaps there is some key you can use- I don’t like mayonnaise, I don’t like salad dressing, I don’t like cream cheese or lots of butter or any of the other crap people drown their food in.  you want a baked potato, eat a baked potato, don’t eat a baked potato with a pound of cream cheese on it.   add salt though.  I naturally don’t like that stuff so right off the bat even though both of us just had a baked potato I’m about 1500 calories behind you.

Onto “moving more”. I’m at the gym three or four times a week.  Admittedly I’m only working out about half the time I’m there, but I’m at the gym- which means I’m not on the couch eating.  And I never do cardio.  Never.  Cardio sucks, it’s boring, it takes forever and the only way to challenge yourself is for it to take forever plus ten minutes.  I do free weights low reps.  Five or six reps only.  Any more than that and it’s not heavy enough for you.  this helps you focus, it doesn’t get boring, it’s easy to see yourself improve and it makes it fun to come back and try again.  Your heart rate will go up plenty and you’ll sweat plenty AND you’ll TRAIN your metabolism to burn calories not pack them on.

I’ve been going to the gym for more than a decade…it helps me sleep... And all the while I’ve gone I’ve watch people who have “tried everything” go for about a month and never come back.  You have to stay committed…which is hard to do when all the trainer has you doing is running on a treadmill.  Fuck the cardio.  Heavy weight, low reps. see how strong you can get and don't worry about the weight.

I don’t give a shit what other people tell you, maybe cardio, if everything were even, might help you lose weight faster than free weights BUT if cardio bores the piss out of you it ain’t gonna help you loss any weight.

and here's the thing...you don't actually want to lose weight, you want to lose FAT. muscle weighs more than fat. so...it is likely you can stay the same weight, or even put on weight, but look alot better.

so...salt, vodka, eat whatever you want, gym.

HEY! Look, I’m skinny, you’re fat listen to what I’m telling you.  and fuck that genetics excuse.  Do you think if you grew up in Ethiopia you’d be 50 pounds overweight right now?  No…of course not, so there ARE things that trump genetics.  Use them.

Or just say “fuck it I’m happy with who I am”

comments? concerns?

douglaspasz@gmail.com

myspace.com/douglasarseniclullaby

www.arseniclullabies.com


 

 

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