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             i was in death hat five 

So i went to the Fangoria horror convention this past weekend, not really knowing what to expect.  i knew i had a few things going against me.  1-i would be in a show full of dvds and movie props trying to sell a black and white comic book. 2-it was last minute and i didn't really have time to promote my apperance and 3-fangoria still hadn't put up any of the Arsenic LUllaby strips that we agreed they would start putting up. (they are in the long process of redoing their web site.)

so i get there to set up and much to my amazement they gave me a pretty good spot. I was near tom savinni so i knew it would be good...not because Tom draws a huge crowd but because Tom doesn't take any bullshit. I've been at a few cons where he was attending and he is the squeaky wheel.

but as i feared all around me where people selling b-horror movies on dvd that they either produced or acted in or directed  or all of the above.  which is exactally what you would want to be selling at a HORROR CONVENTION...not a black and white comic book.

HOWEVER...let me explain something to all you good people out their with your petty dreams and goofey ideas of what you want to be.  stop putting the horse in front of the cart.  i'm not doing Arsenic Lullaby nor did i start doing Arsenic Lullaby because i wanted to be a "comic book writer". i started doing Arsenic Lullaby because i had some really great ideas.  THEN i figured out with my meager financial means, what medium i could best get those ideas out there, then i learned everything i could about the medium. i.e. found out what skills and techniques i needed to master or at least have a solid grasp of.  so then i had a great idea AND the medium to make it in AND had the skills necessary to pull it off in that medium...and THEN i made the finished product.

you cannot just decide you are going to be a director and THEN make a movie...and bypass the whole skills and good idea thing. because when you do that you end up at a horror convention with a table full of DVD's of some shitball of a "horror" movie watching a guy with black and white comic books crush your balls.

It never ceases to amaze me the mentality of dopes who go around doing what i like to call "playing house"  they are mortgage brokers or pharmacists or whatever and they have some money to blow and they drop it all on a "comic book company" or a "movie company" or whatever...and they go to conventions and the whole point of it for them is to parade around and circle jerk about "their project" and they talk all day long about who's gonna do what, and who's going to be in charge of pitching what to who.  it's just fucking sad.  and they never stop to think A-we should be talking about how to make our movie, book, comic book, band, or whatever better and B- we should be doing that BEFORE or AFTER this show and not while people are walking by.  the only thing we should be doing while people are walking by is trying to get them interested in the "project". 

and here is a little sales advice...if you want to get people interested in what you are doing about what you are doing.  don't bather on about yourself. here is a good example...let's say your movie is called death hat IV.  when you are trying to pitch death hat IV TALK about death hat IV...don't talk about how you are the STAR of death hat IV ...because NO ONE EVERY HEARD OF DEATH HAT IV to care if you are the star.  YOU FIRST HAVE TO TELL THEM THAT THERE is A DEATH HAT IV before they will care that you are the "star of death hat IV.  and by the are NOT the start of death HAT are the LEAD.  the main actor/ are not the STAR because there are NO STARS IN A MOVIE NO ONE EVER HEARD OF?  am i makin' sense here?  because i just out sold a room full of "movie producers" and at a HORROR CONVENTION...selling BLACK AND WHITE COMIC BOOKS. 


now, i'm sure that if any of the subjects if this blog happen to read it they will undoubtedly puke up how big there budget is and how much they sell' the problem...i know all about that song and dance because some of my many many many readers...more PAYING readers than people will ever see death hat IV are actual movie people, in actual i know that YOU are not making any money. the distributor perhaps is making a few dollars. the lighting crew, the set designers...the electricians...the people with unions and actual skills eat up your budget long before you see a dime.  and that's IF you have a distributor, and are not just selling death hat IV off of your website. see if if Death hat IV cost 50 million dollars, you have to bring n 50 million dollars before any of that is profit.  and since that is not going to will have no investors for Death hat six ( i don't know what the next roman numeral is) or you wife will not allow you to pay for it our of your own pocket and since you spent the whole time being a big shot instead of learning your craft... no one will be interested in hiring you to so their movie and you will be back to being a pharmacist...with 50,000 copies of death hat IV in your basement that your wife bring up every time you have a new idea, want to buy a boat, want to buy a car, want to go play have essentially traded in your nuts for 50,000 copies of DEATH HAT IV and one framed poster that is in your office that you use to impress clients just before prescribing viarga.  of course no little pill will help you get an erection again...thanks to the ego crushing results of DEATH HAT IV.

"dear? jerry has tickets to the ball game Saturday and wanted me to go"

"have fun honey! why don't you take jr. with you!"


"yeah maybe he'll get interested in baseball and join little league...and get a scholarship. that's the only way he's getting into a good school because you spent all his college money on DEATH ROPE IV"

"you wanted me to try new things!"

"i said "try new things hairy" take a photography class...not waste all out money paying for strippers to act in our basement"

"SHE WAS AN ACTRESS...SHE WAS IN FILM SCHOOL...i'm not having this arguement again!"

oh yes you are Hairy...but Let's turn away from that uglinessthe point i'm making in my own mean and hurtful way is this.  stop concentrating on being a big shot and start concentrating on getting better at what ever it is that you do. it improves your chances of getting better and actually becoming a big shot AND more people will be inclined to help you if you just lay your cards out on the table than if you are blathering on about how you are the "star" of deathrope IV.  this goes for you young people too. LEARN YOUR CRAFT...THEN MAKE THE PRODUCT.  never forget that the end results..the finished story, book, song, what is important, not your ego.  I've seen alot of sucsesful creative type people in my long strange career, and what holds true is the cream always rises to the top.  A career in a creative field is a marathon not a footrace.  just be the best and things will, in many cases, take care of themselves.

so anyway aside from the large percentage of "movie" people who where there making asses out of themselves, it was a pretty good show. good crowd, good people running it, and even a few movie people who were NOT dipshits.  oddly enough the actual big shots and people with skills and good ideas where NOT dipshits...isn't it funny how it always works out that way?  i moved more books there than at Wizard world alot of people decided they'd rather have a really good black and white comic book than a really shitty DVD...some wanted both. so i'll be doing more horror conventions, Arsenic Lullaby seems to fit in with that crowd a bit more than the average comic book reader. and once i'm actually up to my elbows in a cartoon...these Horror shows will make even more sense.

by the way speaking of worthless credentials- the Harvey award voting is going on right is for all Comic Book Professionals (and people who can convince them they are professionals) so vote early and often

by they way don't bother looking up death rope IV because i made that up.  it was the silliest name i could come up with on short hopefully there is no such actual movie.



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