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A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDER
Danny Gokey day?!
I can sum up everything that’s wrong with this country in three words…Danny Gokey day.
Danny is some dancing monkey on American idol who’s from Wisconsin and he’s in the top three finalists and he is coming home this weekend for some promo tour. The mayor of Milwaukee fresh off of closing all the public schools for a week and a half and sending hundreds of city employees home for PAID sick leave because of the three confirmed cases of swine flu…is having a celebration and declaring it Danny Gokey day in the city of Milwaukee.
First off….let me be petty for a moment…Milwaukee is home to one of the only successful independent publishers in the nation…a world class cartoonist whose work Is seen by hundreds of thousands of people…ME. I’ve done a thing or two and have gotten ZERO press from my home city. Let’s just look back to 1999…look at the pop culture…NO ZOMBIES…ten years after I made a witch doctor and zombie fetuses my meat and potatoes…ZOMBIE CRAP EVERYWHERE. No I’m not saying I was the pebble that started the tidal wave…but at the very least I was ahead of the curve. And let me say a thing or two about zombies…ZOMBIES ARE CREATED BY BLACK MAGIC. Not a FUCKING MAGICAL METEOR OR A FREAKING SUPER VIRUS. Those things are something else. A ZOMBIE…IS AN ACTUAL FOLKLORE TERM FOR A SPECIFIC TYPE OF BEING. All you vampire fans who pound your fists at crap like ann rices “vampires” and this latest get wet movie for teenage girls "twighlight" who scream bloody murder because they have taken the name “vampire” and stripped away all of the actual folklore guidelines that makes it a vampire…feel my pain. ZOMBIES are controlled and created by hougans (witch doctors” and follow their commands…they don’t eat brains, they don’t turn YOU into a zombie by biting you and they don’t rise out of the grave because of a magical meteor. That’s even more f’n ridiculous than being bit by a radioactive spider turning you into a super hero….back to my point, NO! one more thing…people who use zombies as a antagonists in thier stories are LAZY. They use zombies because they are too lazy to create an alternate character with a reasonable motivation for creating conflict with the protagonist. A zombie movie / book in this day and age is no different than a shark movie or a earthquake movie, or a tornado movie…the antagonist has no motivation other than -that is what it does because…that’s what it does…. it’s lazy writing.
NOW back to my point…where’s Douglas Paszkiewicz day?! This little turd stood in line for a day than jumped through some hoops for Paula abdual, a British dude doing a old man potter impersonation and a fat black guy who dresses like wolfman jack (…just google wolfman jack if you are under 30..becaues that was funny). My TEN YEARS of success in the battlefield of ideas means nothing? okay, of course they aren't going to give me a day…but what about ORSON WELLS? He’s from here….didn’t know that did you? Did you know that general Douglas Macarthur is from here? He went to my high school, as well a 6 other famous people who I forget but they where on a mural near the lunch room. I felt up a girl right against that mural as Macarthur looked down in approval. I think Harriet Tubman might have been on the mural too, I can’t remember, it was some giant picture of a black lady. I wonder if my attraction towards black women had something to do with that incident and that mural…maybe, I dunno. I DO know that that teacher could have easily just looked the other way, I wasn’t as charming then as I am now and it took a lot of persuading to get up that shirt only to get sent to detention. For crying out loud I was 95 pound white kid in high school in the ghetto…let me have my moment of joy before I get stabbed in the lunchroom by a drug dealer…what was i…oh yeah there are about a thousand other people we should be honoring in the city and instead we are honoring the new face of teen beat magazine…and shouldn’t the mayor have something better to do? I mean we are allegedly in the middle of a pandemic, a recession and a housing crisis. Don’t worry though because it's- Danny what’s his name day- and he’s gonna sing our problems away.
No doubt the next installment of American idol is going to have all sort of pictures of fat Midwesterners in sweat pants with cheese heads on, a panoramic view of the crappiest lakefront in the u.s…and let's see, what other thing is always on the news that makes us look like a bunch of dumb okees…Oh they’ll show some farms, a bunch of grade school kids (some of who are pregnant) holding misspelled signs with his name on them, the breweries, what else, what else…OH the BRONZE statue of FONZIE we paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to have in the middle of downtown so gang members could snap the thumb off. They WON'T show “al’s drive in” which was feature in the happy days t.v. show and In American graffiti because they torn it down and turned it into a used car lot…RIGHT AFTER I finished painting a mural on it. I still have a few bricks from what SHOULD have been a protected historic building. AND WHAT IS WITH MY FINGER? Is this nail going to grow back or not? It better not grow back crooked the way the skin was stitched…and is it still broken or what? It seems okay but when I touch the tip and move it around it seems to have an awful lot of give…like the top bone is just free floating. I did a search on what I’m supposed to eat and it said green veggies almonds lot’s of vitamin c…so I started doing that. it also said NO red meat, NO caffeine…that’s a problem.
Back to my actual point …let’s stop turning celebrities into heroes. Our heroes should be actual heroes, generals, medics, scientists who cured things, maybe people who advanced the civil rights movement and started the underground railroad. Wisconsin was one of the pivotal states involved with the underground railroad and helping hide runaway slaves, they sent a crapload of soldiers to fight in the civil war because Wisconsin was a abolitionist stronghold. The typewriter was invented here along with a lot of other things…how about we focus on inventors, innovators, people of courage, and not assclowns who are famous for a month because they re-did “baby make by brown eyes blue” or whatever horrible song Simon Cowl just bought the rights to and therefore makes these little jerks sing in hopes that all the suburban moms will go out and buy it.
here's how the pecking order should go as far as what we celebrate
-heroes and inventors
-people who create and run charities that are NOT just tax dodges
-doctors, firemen, police in bad neighborhoods
-Activists who focus on meaningful things and CHANGE something for the better
-people who manage to stay married and raise children who are productive members of society
-average people who work hard and stay out of trouble
further down the list it should go-
-drug sniffing dogs
-celebrities and athletes with actual talent who don't cause trouble
-dog who are trained properly and have a good disposition
-then celebrities with no talent OR who are just tools of large corporations i.e. paris hilton and danny gokey
then dried vomit
then lifetime politicians (including activists who are focused on silly menusa and/or never actually change anything)
so AFTER dog waste day THEN we could have Danny Gokee day, but only if there is also room left on the calendar for dried vomit day...otherwise it should be combined into Danny gokey/dried vomit day
If this kid gets to throw out the first pitch at the brewers game I’m going to pop my cork. Cause I really want to do that one day.
one final thing that’s irritating me…lady ga ga ,some pop star, has a song called poker face…and I really like it (that doesn't mean i think it's good...it isn't good). I blame the painkillers.