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anyway...there's this fly in my apartment.  fly's, i read somewhere can hibernate.  so if you see one by the window sill all curled up it might not actually be dead.  Now...i have a pear tree in my backyard and it of course attracts flies, which of course find there way into my office from time to time when i'm trying to concentrate on something.  and they are all jacked up on the sugars from the pears and they will buzz wildly and zipp around and drive me insane as i try to ink some delicate important line on a page.  and I'll slowly go from trying to ignore it, to mad with rage swinging a yard stick or rolled up magazine at the fly and smashing into shit.  the whole process takes about 45 minutes from entrance of the buzzing fly to insane rage.  eventually the fly will escape and i'll calm down and draw some more and the whole thing will start over with the next fly.  back to this CURRENT fly in my is winter, so there is no sugary pears for him to energize with, and there is no sun to warm him.  it is cool and there is little food and he is flying very slowly.  and i can swat him, and even catch him in my hand...

i could simply scoop him up and squeeze him to death he's flying so slowly.  but i don't.  


he needs to pay.  a quick swat is to good for him.  i haven't forgotten all the summer nights of conniptions because of him or at least one of his ilk.  no, i have been swatting him, in a way that does not kill him. open palmed, swatting him across the room, swatting him into a wall, sometimes just swatting him in the direction he was already flying.

from time to time he'll land right on my desk...too tired to continue?  simply hoping for a quick end?  perhaps.  but i will not oblige.  i quickly scoop him up and wined back like a baseball pitcher and toss the fucker across the room and yell "FLY! FLY YOU BUZZING BASTARD!"  the other day he was going at such a slow pace from the front room to the kitchen that i could walk behind him yelling "buzzzzzz buzzzzz how do you like it? buzzzz!!!!".

yep...i think i've lost my mind.  pretty much.

 comments? concerns?



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