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Ambition can be a destructive thing. and the greater and higher your goal, the more destructive it can be.  And if your goal involves a creative enterprise of some sort…it can very easily consume and destroy everything in your life that doesn’t directly involve it.  Because you are focused on it at all times, your office is in your mind and goes where ever you go.


As this final issue nears completion I now look back and see that I substituted ambition for being the man I should have been.


I look back, and even look around and realize that the thing that was most important was ruined.  Ruined by neglect.  Ruined because the time I should have been spending on it I was spending on this stupid comic book.


I have no way of going back, but perhaps an apology can put me back on the path of having that special thing again.  I can only apologize here publicly and hope that it’s seen…hope that I am periodically checked up on via these blogs.  Hope that the party in question reads this.


I am truly sorry.  Sorry for the neglect, the time and attention that you didn’t get…even though I realize now you deserved it.  I was so focused on this dream that I didn’t realize how cruel I was.  It was ambition and not malice that made me act that way, distant, easily frustrated and quick to take things out on you.  And I apologize not only because I’m trying to get back into your good graces OR IN HOPE OF MENDING FENCES BUT BECAUSE YOU DESERVE AN APOLOGY.  YOU DESERVED A LOT FROM ME THAT YOU DIDN’T GET.  Please know that I have grown up a lot since we’ve been apart and if I could ever get the chance again…I would make things right.  I would be a man.


Please know that I am sincer and please forgive me.


I miss you so very much.



78 el camino. 



 I miss your roaring engine and squealing your tires.  And I cannot put into words how my heartaches at seeing you covered in dust, half restored and half disassembled in my garage.  As soon as all this nonsense is over.  I promise to remove all the boxes and crap that I piled on top of you over the past year and put you back together.  I’ll put that wiring harness in, and put on those new quarter panels and give you that chevy orange paint job we talked about when we where young and foolish.  All this and more if I get the chance again, because I know now what is important in life. It’s not the goals, and the accolades, and sales, or even the satisfaction of bringing something new into the world…it’s my car.


My beautiful car.


Please take me back.



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